TikTokers Alex Madison and Jon Bouffard Get Candid About Expecting a Baby While Grieving Their First (Exclusive)

When Alex Madison and Jon Bouffard found out they were expecting again, they experienced a range of complicated emotions.

"I was by myself and the thought of getting pregnant again was actually really scary to me," Alex, 32, tells PEOPLE. "After you've experienced loss, the second time you see a positive pregnancy test, you are kind of struck with a wave of fear and unknown because it didn't work out the first time. So why would I think that it's going to work out this time?"

On June 22, Alex and Jon, who rose to fame on their TikTok channels, announced that they are expecting a baby together. Their happy news came almost exactly a year after the couple shared that they'd heartbreakingly lost their first baby together at 26 weeks.

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"Thinking about seeing a positive pregnancy test, I think I was really nervous," Alex admits. "And then when I saw that it was positive, it was a completely different experience from the first time I saw a positive pregnancy test."

"I was extremely nervous and I just was filled with a lot of doubt," she tells PEOPLE. "But it was a mixture of emotions because I was really excited to tell Jon because he wasn't there with me."

Alex says she spent all day trying to figure out how to tell her husband about the pregnancy. She knew she was picking him up at the ferry later, and it was a cold, snowy day. "I wanted to make it a special moment," she says.

She went into a nearby store and found a mug that read "Papa Bear" across the front. She met him outside at the ferry as the snowflakes fell and handed him the gift, revealing the joyful news.

"It was amazing," Jon, 37, says. "I mean, going back, I think we just were so naive to think on our first pregnancy, like, 'Ah, nothing's going to happen.' And then it just really is a miracle to have a healthy pregnancy."

"So getting that news, I mean, of course I'm so happy, but immediate fear comes in too, right?" he explains. "Now we're on this journey of, we hope everything's okay. We hope we have a healthy pregnancy."

Alex agrees, explaining that even when they thought they were in the "safe zone" last time, nothing is ever really promised until they are holding a healthy baby in their arms.

"Even if you have healthy scans, even if you have a healthy pregnancy throughout, once you experience a loss at any gestation, but especially a late-term loss, you realize that there really is no safe zone," Alex says. "And that was one of the most eye-opening things for us after experiencing our first pregnancy."

Now, she says that the couple is "holding our breath" regardless of healthy scans and positive doctor appointments. "I don't think we'll be able to breathe a sigh of relief until we actually have a baby in our [arms]," explains Alex.

"We can feel two things at once, though. We are so excited, but we're also very cautiously optimistic," Jon adds.

That equilibrium applies to their entire pregnancy journey. Although they are content creators and often share their lives on screen, the two weren't sure when would be the right time to let their audience know they are expecting again, especially after their first pregnancy.

"We wanted to keep everything private from the beginning," Alex says. "We were like, 'We're not going to share unless it's a successful pregnancy and the baby is actually here.'"

But things changed when the couple released their short film called Shower around Mother's Day. The film is about a couple who recently experienced a pregnancy loss, and the husband is helping his grieving wife prepare to go to her best friend's baby shower.

"We saw the impact and the reach that it had in the loss community," Alex explains.

"After processing the impact that our short film had on so many people who had gone through what we had gone through, we talked about it and we were like, this experience that we're going through behind closed doors is extremely isolating as well," she continues. "Pregnancy after loss is a whole journey on its own. How can we talk about this in a way that's real, honest, and vulnerable so that we could potentially help the loss community move forward or feel less alone again, or process their emotions dealing with pregnancy after loss?"

The two decided to wait until they'd reached the "milestone" of their third trimester before telling their audience their life-changing news.

"I never put any pressure on Alex. If she never even wanted to announce, I'd be totally fine with that," Jon says, before explaining that the couple ultimately decided it would help others to learn about their story.

Alex, who is expecting a baby girl, has been feeling great as she settles into her third trimester. It's a welcome change from her first pregnancy, which was high risk and required her to switch up her day-to-day routines.

"Since our previous pregnancy was high risk, I wasn't able to be physically active," Alex explains. "And so this pregnancy, I'm in the clear because it's healthy so far, God willing. And so it's been really nice to be able to maintain my routine and be physically active."

It's not just that she's been able to be physical that's made this pregnancy more enjoyable. Alex shares that since her first one was so high risk, it took a serious mental toll on her.

"I think just because our first pregnancy was high risk, it felt like it was taking 100 years," she says. "Week to week felt like 100 years because with every piece of bad news you got, you're waiting on the next scan to confirm it or to debunk it, and so you're doing all this research."

"I think just the stress of the first pregnancy made it not enjoyable at all. My mental health was horrible," Alex says. "My routine was completely different. Mentally, it just takes a toll on you, physically."

Jon notes that for him, it was tough because the entire first pregnancy felt like a cycle of bad news.

"I think the repetition of bad news was the worst part," he says. "It's like since Alex was high risk, it was like every two weeks we'd go in, or every week sometimes, and we'd get bad news, we'd process it, and then we'd come to terms with it and then the next appointment it'd be more bad news."

As she gets closer to welcoming her little girl, Alex says she can't wait to eat sushi and drink a dirty martini with olives. Since she's essentially been pregnant on and off for almost a year and a half, that moment of celebration can't come soon enough.

"I can see that being very tough for Alex also," Jon says. "It almost has been a full year, and not being in a routine or feeling like yourself, I can't imagine how tough that is. So we're excited to get to the finish line here."

Alex candidly admits that for her, pregnancy has just been a "challenge."

"Before being high risk, pregnancy is just already a challenge physically and mentally," she explains. "It's stressful. And then having to do it again after a late-term loss, my heart goes out to women who experience full-term losses."

"It's mental turmoil already, and I can't imagine going through a completely healthy pregnancy dealing with a loss," continues Alex. "And so I think that's, again, still a very real fear that I have. But in the same time, similar to what Jon had said earlier, is two things can be true at once. I can still try to remain optimistic and excited and positive while doing it scared."

"At the end of the day, we know it's out of our control, and when, God willing, she's here, alive and safe, there will be an entirely new set of worries to deal with, like with an actual child," she says.
"And so we're just ready to get to that next chapter so that we can have those real-life worries when she's here."

There are a few things the couple is looking forward to doing with their new little one, like traveling with their daughter and dressing her up in matching outfits.

They're also looking into starting a non-profit, but are enjoying working closely with the Griffin Cares Foundation. "They're amazing at supporting families experiencing loss, prenatal, postnatal loss," Alex says. "They've been extremely generous with us, just making sure that we have the resources that we need after processing the loss of Leo."

Above all else, the two hope to reach out to others who've experienced a loss like theirs, who might need support or a laugh.

"The loss community is great. Once you experience it, there's a lot of anonymous groups, therapy groups, loss groups that really welcome you in and are so warm. But as content creators, we felt we had a different perspective because, again, we were able to create honest videos about loss and grief through a comedic tone," Alex explains.

"For us, it was really about connection. And so after announcing and seeing the support from people, it just creates such a positive environment of openness and connection. And that's really what our goal was."