Vanderpump Rules: Brittany Cartwright Cries at Her Bachelorette Party as Witches of Weho Feud
Brittany Cartwright and Jax Taylor's joint bachelor/bachelorette trip to Miami involves some tears
Tuesday’s episode of Vanderpump Rules centers on the celebration of one relationship and the tangled demise of another.
On one end of the spectrum: Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright, who bring the gang to Miami for their joint bachelor-bachelorette extravaganza. The guys channel Miami Vice at a strip club, later artfully downplaying their degree of contact with the exotic dancers in a delightful montage. As for the girls, they don their tackiest white wedding dresses for a night on the town that ends in tears for the bride-to-be.
“This is supposed to be my bachelorette party,” Brittany cries. “We’re supposed to celebrate my love. We’re supposed to celebrate my marriage.”
As Stassi Schroeder explains, the ladies were in their second club of the night when the VIP hosts brought out a sign that read, “DON’T DO IT BRITTANY.”
“At first, Brittany was laughing at the sign, but then, because of Kristen, Brittany started to think that this is some big, elaborate set-up that the club did in order to make fun of her and Jax,” Stassi says.
The scene cuts to Kristen Doute telling Brittany, “That is so tacky, that is so rude. … It wasn’t f—ing okay that they did that tonight.”
“And that’s how we ended up back here, drunk, crying in our wedding dresses,” Stassi concludes as the camera reveals the crew sitting around the hotel awkwardly as Brittany vents.
“I have to hear it every f—ing day,” she says. “People tell me that they don’t like me, they don’t like Jax, they don’t like us together. So the last thing I wanted was to come on my bachelorette party and have to go out and a f—ing sign saying, ‘DON’T DO IT, BRITTANY!’ ”
Stassi, Katie Maloney-Schwartz, Ariana Madix and Lala Kent try to reassure her that it’s a standardized sign for every bachelorette party and wasn’t intended as a personal slight.
“But just acknowledge the fact that it hurt her feelings,” Kristen cuts in.
The subtext of this whole season has been that everyone is frustrated by the never-ending saga of Kristen and her off-on boyfriend, Carter, who’s been acting like her boyfriend despite their alleged breakup. Kristen hasn’t felt supported by her friends, but they’re fed up with the drama. And now, it seems like she’s egging on Brittany when she’s vulnerable.
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“Honey, we’ve been acknowledging it for the past hour and a half,” Lala replies.
“No, you’ve been acknowledging the way you feel,” Kristen insists.
“No, I respected what she said,” Lala snaps, as a flashback from 18 seconds earlier proves her correct. “Stop. Enough. You’re f—ing off your rocker, knock it the f— off. God, bitch. Like, enough.”
She adds to the camera: “Every time Brittany is starting to calm down, there’s Kristen f—ing Doute, ready to wind her up again. Put her back in her cage.”
“Yes, Jax did cheat on me, but we worked so, so hard to get over this and move past it all, and I stuck by his side because I believe in him and I love him so much,” she says.
The next day, Kristen and Lala kiss and make up (literally, on the lips) on a booze cruise with their friends. “I totally heightened Brittany’s upset-ness,” she acknowledges before admitting that she has slept with and been in contact with Carter, who apparently needs to pick up a box of sex toys from her new home while she’s away in Miami.
At dinner that night, the ladies duke it out again. First, Ariana, Katie and Stassi spar over Tom Sandoval freaking out about Stassi’s TomTom book party, and Ariana’s perceived slights against Stassi’s success. When the dust has settled there, Katie and Stassi turn their attention to third “Witches of Weho” pal Kristen, who reveals that she gave Carter the security code to her house so he can pick up his box.
“You may as well get back together. I give up,” Katie says.
Stassi adds: “So don’t ever, ever say that I haven’t checked in on you, because there’s nothing to check in on.”
Kristen tells Stassi to “stop making this about you” before invoking bride Brittany. “It’s her bachelorette party, so we don’t need to … we should all just be good friends to Brittany instead.”
Katie and Stassi lose it at Kristen’s implication that they’re “bad friends.”
“I actually felt really badly about the fact that I hadn’t been there. And then the next time, Carter’s there. It was like a lie to me,” Stassi says of their rollercoaster relationship. “We’re not 22. We can’t do this s—. It’s weird. You’ve just gone back and forth and back and forth.”
“I’m doing the best that I can,” Kristen insists. “But it’s messy.”
“Well, you’re too old to be messy, Kristen,” Katie shoots back.
Kristen sighs. “This doesn’t feel like love to me,” she says.
“It doesn’t feel like love to me either anymore,” Stassi responds. “It’s like I have like a black heart about it.”
To the rest of the table, Kristen says quietly, “Because if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t jump down someone’s throat, because I’ve been through it with both of them.” She slips in a jab at Katie’s husband Tom Schwartz’s old habit of drunkenly kissing other women: “When Tom was f—ing around on her for years …”
“Excuse me?” Katie explodes. “Go f— yourself, Kristen. You’re a miserable person. You’re miserable. You’ve never been happy in a single relationship in your f—ing life.”
We’ll have to wait until next week’s episode to see how the witches’ feud festers, but according to PEOPLE’s recent interview with Kristen, they’re still on the outs, and she’s not expecting an invitation to Stassi’s wedding.
Vanderpump Rules airs Tuesdays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.