Tyler Baltierra is opening up about a dark period in his life

By Alexia Fernández
June 25, 2018 08:33 PM
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Tyler Baltierra is opening up about a dark period in his life.

The Teen Mom OG star, 26, shared a poem on Instagram Sunday, when he wrote about his past suicide attempt when he was 11 years old.

“I wasn’t going to post this poem…but I know that I’m not the only one who went through mental health struggles & I know that someone can relate to this experience, which is why I decided to vulnerably share this with you guys,” he wrote in the caption.

“This was written about a very dark time in my life & I still don’t like to categorize myself as a survivor but the older I get, the more I realize that we are ALL survivors & we ALL are worthy enough to live!” he wrote and added the hashtags #YouAreNotAlone, #PoetryIsMyBrainsFreedom, #KeepTalkingMH and #SickNotWeak.

“I know it’s getting deep out there, but hang in there, it keeps going & there’s more from my heart that I gotta pour. Now imagine a little boy almost 12 years old with an angry core & he’s already smoking & trying to find a way to not have his mind collapse to the floor,” he wrote in his poem.

“He goes to school, no he’s not a fool, his grades are good, but he’s more comfortable with his attitude & uses his anger as his tool to get through,” he continued. “He enjoys arguing, has an authority problem, loves watching these teachers get worked up hatin cause they think that boredom is really the problem like it’s so common, he gets suspended but no, that boy ain’t stoppin. It doesn’t bother him that bad cause he knows this week he’s gonna see his Dad. But ya see, later on that week, he gets a call from his Dad that makes his knees become weak, ‘Sorry Son, your Dad f—— up again, I have to go back to livin in prison ya see, this is hard on me.”

Baltierra is married to Catelynn Baltierra and shares two daughters with her: Carly, whom they placed for adoption, and Novalee Reign, 3.

The father of two continues his poem by describing the moment he attempted suicide at a young age.

“He climbs up a tree in the backyard & starts to ponder. As tears fall from his cheeks, he can see the rope that’s tied to a tire, where he used to swing as a kid just to see if he could get higher,” he wrote. “He’s always been a fighter, but he thinks today is his time to surrender. He grabs that rope, ties it around his neck, then jumps with the weight of all his emotions & he can’t seem to cope with all that, which makes that rope snap back.”

Tyler Baltierra
| Credit: Tyler Baltierra/Instagram

Baltierra then provides graphic details about his suicide attempt and how his outlook on life changed during the experience.

“He claws his fingers into his neck to relieve the pressure, he looks at the back door, his brain searching desperately for something to climb after & he pictures what his mom will find & then it hits him in time, he knows she deserves better, he knows she’s not a quitter & she didn’t raise a quitter,” Baltierra wrote. “So he keeps clawing his neck deeper, he keeps stretching his toes that can’t reach the ground or follow the leader, he’s fading away but his motivation is eager & he don’t wanna die, he’s just gotta try to survive.”

“He catches the tip of his feet on the dirt for a split second now he doesn’t hurt, it’s only a split second but it’s long enough, he thinks to himself now it’s time to get tough! He pulls his body weight up, slips through the death hold, then falls to his knees through the weakness as he sees all these emotions start creeping up.”

The reality star then describes how he went into his home and attempted to hide the marks on his neck with makeup.

“This is my story, now hopefully you understand a little more about me as a human being with a spirit, a soul, & a life worth living for,” he continued. “We’re all just human being that have to believe that we can achieve what we’ve always believed… to love & be loved back effortlessly by continually repeating these words in our head… don’t ever stop being unapologetically me ever again.”

RELATED VIDEO: Teen Mom OG’s Tyler Baltierra Reveals He’s Going to Therapy as Wife Catelynn Returns to Rehab

In March, Baltierra discussed his past suicide attempt while on the podcast Voices for Change 2.0 alongside Catelynn.

“That’s where I first started feeling depressed,” he said, explaining how he was acting out in school. “And, obviously, my dad going in and out of prison all the time. At 11, though, that’s when I attempted suicide and failed. I was on anti-depressants a bit.”

The MTV star also revealed he’d been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder during the Teen Mom OG reunion in April.

After the reunion aired, Baltierra tweeted, “Honestly, I wasn’t even planning on releasing that info, but once Cate mentioned about my recent diagnosis, I figured what the hell!? Like why am I so against telling anyone!? It’s actually been a little easier to digest since I have been talking about it more #KeeptalkingMH.”

Another user asked him if he was “seeking help” while he was “juggling everything else and all that stress.” He tweeted that his diagnosis was “still so new to me” but that he was doing his best to find ways to take care of himself.

“Well tbh it’s still so new to me. So I’ve been doing non stop research on the diagnosis, the different remedies to combat the symptoms, & how to better understand it. I did refuse medication, but only because I wanted to try all of the natural remedies first. It’s a journey!” he tweeted.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “help” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.