"My biggest fear in our relationship was I was like he's going to cheat on me," Tori Spelling said of her marriage to Dean McDermott

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Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott
| Credit: Tori spelling/instagram

Tori Spelling is opening up about Dean McDermott's past infidelity — and how the aftermath has affected both the 90210 star and their children.

McDermott, 53, publicly admitted to cheating on Spelling, 47, in 2014. Following the affair, the couple documented their life together on their reality series, True Tori, during which McDermott said of his transgressions: "I feel shame. I've never felt shame before."

During a recent appearance on the Women on Top podcast — hosted by Roxy Manning and Tammin Sursok — Spelling explained that while she's proud she didn't hide her marital issues from the cameras, her young children have been given access to that information due to it being posted online.

"My kids have not seen clips, but they've seen something out there online and my daughter saw something," Spelling said. "It really upset her."

Spelling and McDermott share five kids: daughters Stella, 12, Hattie, 8, and sons Liam, 13, Finn, 7, and Beau, 3.

While Spelling said she is "so proud" that her story "lives online" and admitted "that's not something you think about in that moment," navigating their relationship after the scandal was difficult.

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Tori Spelling with Dean McDermott and their children
| Credit: JB Lacroix/Getty

"My biggest fear in our relationship was I was like, he's going to cheat on me, he's going to cheat on me, he's going to cheat on me," she said. "So when it happened, I was like, 'See, I always thought from day one he was going to cheat on me,' and it wasn't about him, that was about me. I was like, 'Okay, I know I'm not good enough,' that's how I felt about myself and one day he's going to realize that and he's gonna find someone else."

Spelling said that before the affair took place, she used to tell her husband: "I'm so scared you are going to cheat on me."

"He [would be] like, 'Why are you? I've never given you a reason.' Then when it happened, I was like, 'Oh my God, see, you cheated on me,' so it was a hard thing to navigate," said Spelling.

Choosing to forgive, Spelling said she and McDermott have been able to move forward and she's happy she decided to stay in her marriage.

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott
| Credit: Amy Sussman/Getty

"I don't bring it up all the time, and when I do bring it up he listens and he understands," Spelling shared. "We did have a rebirth after that happened."

"This happened and rocked our foundation and we have no choice — we either start over or move on. ... It was madness. Everybody out there was like, 'F--- him ... and I was like, 'I love this man and I have children with this man and everyone makes mistakes.' "

Spelling asserted that she didn't stay because she had to, but rather because she wanted to.

"I'm an independent woman," Spelling said. "I make my own money. I can be a single mom, but I actually really love him and I want to work on this. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but we're going to try," Spelling added.

The couple have been married since 2006.

Tori Spelling
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott with their five children
| Credit: Tori Spelling/ Instagram

A little more than three years after McDermott's infidelity, Spelling opened up to PEOPLE in 2016 about saving their marriage.

“We’re not just still here, but we’re bonded and solidified as a couple," she said.

After McDermott admitted to cheating on Spelling, “everything crashed,” she said. “We had to start over. We had to completely rebuild.”

Over time, and thanks to intense couples therapy and individual personal healing, “we made the conscious decision based on our love for each other to tough it out and work through it,” said Spelling.

“It was one of the worst times in our lives, but it was also one of the best times," said the mother of five. "I wouldn’t change anything because if we hadn’t started talking and opened up those lines of communication, maybe we wouldn’t be here today.”