August 26, 2008 12:00 AM

It’s only the second week of The Hills and it was already time to throw another cast member birthday bash. That could only lead to one thing … more drama. Sure, that’s what everything leads to on this show, but after last week’s post-party fight between Lo and Audrina, the bar was raised and happily the bros and babes of The Hills did not disappoint.

Guest List Gripes: Because these kids do everything but learn at school, Stephanie Pratt spent class inviting Lauren to her 22nd birthday party at Boulevard 3. Lauren looked thrilled to go, even giddily asking if she could bring her new beau Doug, before realizing that her nemesis might also be in attendance. The She-Pratt assured her that she hadn’t “talked to them in weeks. I just want it to be a fun night and drama follows them.” LC supplied the night’s first juicy retort: “I don’t know if it follows as much as they chase it.” They went on to discuss Doug, with Stephanie doing everything but licking her lips as LC told her he was an athlete. (Foreshadowing perhaps?) Jump to Epic Records where Audrina recounted last week’s showdown for Chiara, then expressed her worries about attending this week’s fiesta with her frenemy Lo. Chiara joked, “Audrina vs. Lo: battle to the death. I’ll be on your side. The dark hairs vs. the light hairs. We’ll kick their ass.”

Team Speidi weighed the pros and cons of rolling up on the celebration over chicken tacos at their regular haunt, Don Antonio’s. Spencer’s thoughts: “You think I am going to hang out with Stephanie if she is best friends with the girl I despise more than anything on the earth.” Despite agreeing that Steph’s friendship with LC was “disrespectful” to them, Heidi talked him off the ledge using incorrect grammar. She said: “My only logic is that is your sister and regardless of how crazy and whatever she is, I think, for your family’s sake, we should just go and be cordial and it can be the last time you see her.”

Good Port: Whitney was invited to dinner at Simon with the bicoastal bigwigs of People’s Revolution. She was worried about being the newbie and making a fool of herself, but it turned out she had nothing to worry about because Jessica the Publicist put her foot in her mouth and got a public reaming from head honcho Kelly Cutrone (“It’s my company so I’m going to say what I want. You be pretty pretty, happy happy. Pitch stories. I don’t want you to talk to stylists.”). She was summarily fired on what appeared to be the next day. Whitney was then rewarded (we think?) with Jessica’s vacated post and was told she would be expected to be bicoastal and “learn how to delegate from afar.”

Lo Blows: Lo obviously took what Audrina said last week to heart as she barely felt the need to make nice, even at LC’s request. On their way to the event, LC expressed delight that Audrina was coming. Lo, who usually looks at LC with bedroom eyes, glanced nervously at anything but her gal pal. LC pondered aloud: “Can’t we all just get along?” Lo shot back flippantly: “Well the ones who matter are getting along.” She had one more shining moment of cattiness when Audrina sat down at the booth. Lo said in an uber-fake tone while menacingly sucking her straw: “How are you? You look pretty.” Audrina responded, “Good.” Lo’s response dripped in sarcasm: “OK, good. I’m glad we talked.” She then turned abruptly, inserted herself into the other table conversation and left Audrina mouth agape.

Party Crashers: Making the night more awkward, painful and therefore more Hills-like, Speidi showed up at the party with balloons and a cake. (Side note: What is wrong with this picture? Heidi got a Chanel purse for her last birthday, but Spencer came bearing baked goods and some hot air for his sister.) The camera jumped from face to disappointed face. Brody was the first to jump ship. Practicing the bros before hoes rule, Frankie fled with him. LC seemed to make an effort to stay but when Spencer asked his sister if she could “get these obnoxious chicks away,” she said her goodbyes and made her exit. Stephanie reiterated her surprise at seeing her brother who, looking quite pleased with his mischievousness, jeered, “I think we surprised somebody else even more.”

Sibling Showdown: Breaking up the party wasn’t fulfilling enough for Spencer so he paid a visit to his sister at her apartment to accuse her of “jumping ship.” He dramatically compared her trying to get along with both sides to the centuries-old Arab/Israeli conflict. (Oh yeah, this petty Hollywood backstabbing is exactly like that.) He then delivered his final punishment: “At the end of the day, we are brother and sister. I can’t make you un-my sister. Trust me, if I could’ve in the past, I would’ve. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hang out with you. As long as you are going around with that posse, you have nothing to do with my life. That’s straight up.” (Watch the clip.)

Class Final Act: The show came full circle and ended where it began … at a desk at FIDM. Stephanie slinked in and immediately started with the pathetic apologizing. She said: “I had no idea Spencer and Heidi were coming… I don’t want you to think I betrayed your trust.” As it is her story and her show, it was appropriate that Lauren had the last punchy comeback of the night, which she delivered without making eye contact: “It is not a secret that all my friends say I shouldn’t trust you. You just kinda set ‘em back on that rampage.” –Carrie Bell

Tell us: What was your favorite moment of the night? Can LC trust She-Pratt? Whose side of the Audrina vs. Lo battle are you on?

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