The Best Lines from Last Night's 'House'

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Photo: Isabella Vosmikova/FOX

While some folks watch Fox’s hit series House for the intense medical drama or the grosser than gross symptoms (last night’s patient Maggie — played by Janel Moloney — suffered from paralyzed hands, bleeding eyes, smoking bones and a lactating tumor located in her calf!), others watch it for the quick quips dished out by Hugh Laurie‘s heartless doc.

Here are our favorites from last night:

When asked who gave him the present sitting on his desk: “Santa obviously. You know I worship him. Oh wait, that’s Satan. I always get them confused.”

After being told Maggie never lies: “Okay, this is going to be a tough case. I have almost no knowledge of alien physiology.”

After Taub ran down an extensive list of diagnosises for their patient d’ jour: “Listing all the possible causes is only impressive if you can do it backwards alphabetically.”

After deciding Maggie, who previously had a preventative double mastectomy when she discovered she had the breast cancer gene, needed an MRI to check for breast cancer: “Set the machine to scan for irony.”

Upon scanning Maggie’s stolen computer for clues to a secret life: “Well, that sucks. 4,300 saved e-mails and not a single mention of “lesbionic,” “sanchez,” or “man-gina.”

But the night’s best line did not from Dr. Gregory House, but his best buddy, the upstanding oncologist Dr. James Wilson (Robert Sean Leonard). When the crippled House tried to keep up with a quick-paced Wilson to barrage him with questions, he paused long enough to ask, “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere,” Wilson replied. “I just know it hurts you.” –Caryn Midler

Isabella Vosmikova/FOX

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