Maynard writes about what really happened with John and Nate, and how she made her choice

By Emily Maynard
June 05, 2012 08:30 AM
Craig Sjodin/ABC

We’re off to Bermuda, and I couldn’t be more excited! I had no idea it was so close to North Carolina and can’t believe how easy it was to get there.

I don’t know who was more excited on the plane – Ricki or me. Having her travel with me during my time on The Bachelorette was such a blessing for us both, and I’m so happy I got to bring her along!

My week of dates in Bermuda started off with Doug. I guess it’s the “curse” of getting the first impression rose, but I felt awful because I hadn’t spent much time with him since giving it to him the first night.

As soon as I walked into the guys’ hotel room, I knew something was wrong because everyone was so tense. I had no idea I just interrupted Arie and Doug’s fight! Thank goodness I came in when I did or things could’ve gotten really ugly.

Doug and I headed into town where we got to experience the Bermudian culture, all while I ate my weight in rum cake. The perfume we made actually turned out really well! We had such a great time during the day, but at dinner I really wanted to get to know Doug beyond his being a dad. I’m looking for someone who is real with not only me but also with himself. I always felt like Doug was very genuine, but sometimes gave me the answer he thought I wanted to hear.

Flaws and All

During dinner I really wanted to see if there was a side to Doug that I could relate to, because I’m obviously not perfect. It wasn’t until he turned it around on me and asked what my biggest faults are that I realized it’s not easy to be put on the spot like that. I immediately felt bad! God knows I could go on and on about all of my flaws, but it’s hard when you’re also trying not to scare your date off.

I had such a great time with Doug and gave him the rose at the end of the night and hope that as time goes on he’ll feel more comfortable around me. And for what it’s worth, I still have my fingers crossed that my love wish at the Moon Gate comes true!

After the past two group dates, I felt like I owed it to the guys to give them a “manly” date, and what better way to experience Bermuda than from the water.

The guys were really excited especially after they found out it was a competition. At first I thought the red team was going to win because they got off to a great start, but once the yellow team caught up, it was so close up until the very end.

I truly would’ve been happy with either team winning, but it was hard for me to celebrate with the yellow team after looking over and seeing how sad the red team looked coming into the dock. I like to think it’s because they didn’t get to spend more time with me, but let’s be honest – they’re men and all men hate losing!

The after party with the yellow team was great, and I was really looking forward to spending more time with each of the guys in a small group. My conversation with Ryan was interesting, to say the least. I really try to make it a point to not judge others, and I felt like Ryan wasn’t giving me the same respect at all. I know what kind of woman I am, and I refuse to let anyone make me question myself, especially for something so small.

I also don’t think Ryan would’ve had any problems if I was kissing him instead of Arie! Speaking of kissing, as Jef and I were walking down to the beach, I was thinking, “What a perfect place for us to have our first kiss!” Clearly he wasn’t thinking the same thing!

Everything else with Jef and me came so easily, so I couldn’t figure out why he still hadn’t tried to kiss me. I hoped giving him one more group date rose would let him know that I had a huge crush on him and that he better make a move soon.

Two-on-One Date

Obviously I’d be lying if I said I was looking forward to the two-on-one date, but I tried my best to put myself in John and Nate’s position. They finally get a date, only to find out it’s the one date everyone dreads the most, so I really wanted to make it a fun day for them and not even worry who I was going to send home until the time came.

What you didn’t get to see was that after jumping off the cliff (I clearly am not the best swimmer), I had a bit of a panic attack because the water was freezing and very rough that day. I was trying my best to get to the boat, but John saw that I was having a hard time and helped me the entire way back. He couldn’t have been more attentive, and I was so thankful that he was there.

Once we got to the caves, I had alone time with each of the guys and wanted to be sure I was making the right decision. As great as Nate was, there was a moment you didn’t get to see where Nate sang Meatloaf to me and asked what I “wouldn’t do for love.”

As funny and odd as it was, I realized we had very little in common and we probably weren’t the best fit for each other. I was happy to give the rose to John, especially after seeing such a sweeter side to him during the earlier part of the day.

By now you’ve all probably seen the clip of me using some less than ladylike words and asking/telling one of the guys to leave, and you’ll finally have all your questions answered next week in London. Be sure to tune in to see which guy got to feel the wrath of a protective mama!

Thanks for watching!