The couple announced their breakup in May after over a year together

By Ashley Boucher
July 01, 2020 08:22 PM
Advertisement
Colton Underwood, Cassie Randolph
People

Cassie Randolph says "it's been an awful few months" following her breakup with former Bachelor Colton Underwood.

Randolph, 25, and Underwood, 28, announced their split in May, and a source at the time told PEOPLE that the breakup was "definitely amicable" — but the Bachelor alumna shared on Wednesday that she has been struggling in the weeks since.

"The last 2 years I’ve been thrust into a spotlight after living a fairly normal life. Since then, I’ve been trying to learn how to navigate my life changes while also trying to cling to who I am," the model began a lengthy Instagram post.

Randolph — who was with Underwood for over a year — continued to explain that she feels like her new platform after the show was "paralyzing," and led her to "overthink everything."

"It takes really thick skin to navigate constant drama, fake articles, nasty DMs & comments or rumors started by people who feel entitled to your personal life. It takes incredible mental strength to shrug off strangers who regularly criticize your character based on conclusions they drew while watching an edited tv show (I could say so much here). It can feel like an uphill battle. Sometimes I want to just say what I want & forget my sensitive side that strives to do the 'right thing', be calm & rational, be kind, think of others first etc.," she wrote.

Randolph said that she felt like telling all the "mother ffers hating" on her due to the breakup to "please stop."

"It’s been an awful few months for ME trying to go thru it. I’m STILL going thru it. It’s hard enough w/out your know-it-all comments. You literally know nothing so go away," she wrote, adding that such feelings make her feel "selfish" considering "truly critical issues in the world right now: BLM, Covid, toxic politics, matters of life and death; social injustice. Kinda puts personal problems in perspective."

"Hence, the reason I decided (against advice) to cancel contracts & delete IG for 30 days," she continued. "The break, tho short, was amazing. What did I do? I read a LOT, got a tattoo, caught up with friends, attended 2 protests, finished 60 HOURS OF SIMUCASE, re-evaluated my dreams and goals, went surfing, dyed my own hair, played my guitar, got out my sewing machine...lived in the moment."

Colton Underwood, Cassie Randolph
Matt Baron/Shutterstock

"Life is short. We all have struggles to figure out. All we can do is the best we know in the moment so when we reflect, we don’t feel regret. Always be learning, always be growing," Randolph continued. "Ok, I’m done. A bit all over the place, but I’m forcing myself not to overthink. Thx to the majority of u who’ve been kind & sent concerned messages. It means more than u know ❤️ ily all (minus the trolls)."

In PEOPLE's exclusive sneak peek at Monday's episode of ABC's retrospective series The Bachelor: The Greatest Seasons — Ever!, Randolph tells host Chris Harrison that "navigating a public relationship has its challenges."

When announcing their split, Underwood wrote on Instagram that "sometimes people are just meant to be friends - and that’s okay."

"We both have grown immensely and been through so much together — so this isn’t the end of our story, it’s the start of a whole new chapter for us," he wrote.

A source told PEOPLE in June that the exes have "seen each other several times" since their split.

The Bachelor: The Greatest Seasons — Ever! airs Mondays (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.