Tana Mongeau and Jake Paul got married in July, but later revealed that the ceremony was not legally binding
On Sunday, the YouTube star, 21, opened up in a new video, titled “the truth about everything (the wedding, Jake, Alissa, Erika, MTV, mental health, drugs, etc.)” about her relationship with Paul, 22, and said that she is “just not happy.”
“I’m so unhappy with the way my relationship with Jake looks in the public eye and I’ve done so much pretending that I don’t care what I do. So it’s my fault,” she said. “I loved Jake so much, I still do. But I did so much of being the cool girl and not caring because I wanted to do life with this person and I wanted to see them happy and thrive and I wanted to show them that there are people that will accept you for who you are.”
“I think I just put so much of myself into Jake that I lost myself, and that’s not his fault, and I’m not blaming him for that at all,” Mongeau added. “It’s just the reality. I don’t regret it.”
After recalling some of the negative relationships she’s been in previously, Mongeau reflected on how great things were for her and Paul at the beginning of their romance.
“I loved the time I spent with Jake so much and who I felt like he was making me,” she said. “I loved who I was when I was with him so much that I kind of put on rose-colored glasses. I realized I would do anything to feel this feeling forever.”
However, Mongeau said that “the second Jake and I got married, everything changed.”
“I think the second he said, ‘I do,’ to me, he was like, ‘Now what?’ ” she continued. “I think he was also over it. I don’t blame him, but it left me clinging, trying to make this work.”
“Everything just started to fall apart,” Mongeau added. “The wedding night was just hell for me.”
Mongeau explained she did not go on her honeymoon after her father suffered a stroke the night of her wedding. She also addressed having an “open relationship” with Paul, which she first revealed on the Zach Sang Show a month after the wedding.
“I feel like an open relationship with Jake was him being able to have sex with a new b— every night, which I am not blaming him,” she explained. “I was the one green lighting everything because I just wanted to make him happy. And letting it kill me. You can only let something kill you for so long until it’s actually going to f— kill you.”
Mongeau said their struggle as a couple, they are still together and she will “always want to be close” with Paul.
“I shared one of the craziest times of my life with this person and we were a team and he made me feel some of the best feelings I’ve ever felt just as a person, but also some of the worst,” she said. “I feel like I should have been far more transparent with him and myself and the world and the people around me, but I just couldn’t,” she said.
“Jake could f— kill my whole family, I will always love him,” she added. “I will always have a bond with him that I don’t ever see myself having with anyone else.”
“But does that mean that this is all healthy for me or him? Maybe not, but it’s complicated,” Mongeau said.
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“To everybody that’s calling it fake because we rushed into it or because I don’t do things traditionally, because I wanted to not do it legally — any wedding I have, if I have three more f—– weddings, I really wouldn’t want to do it on paper, because I think that legally binding yourself to someone takes away the love,” she said in a YouTube video titled “Get ready with me on my Wedding day” in August.
She also said that she and Paul are being realistic about the longevity of their relationship, admitting they are taking things “day-by-day.”
Mongeau and Paul’s wedding came two months after they began dating. The couple’s brief courtship is featured on the MTV digital reality show Tana Turns 21.