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"For my life to suddenly have to move forward without her seems absolutely unfathomable," the model and influencer wrote

By Ally Mauch
January 08, 2021 04:55 PM
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Stephanie Shepherd Suganami
Credit: Stephanie Shepherd Suganami/Instagram

Influencer and model Stephanie Shepherd is mourning the recent death of her mother.

The former assistant to Kim Kardashian West announced the news to her followers in a heartbreaking Instagram post on Friday, admitting she had struggled to put her grief into words.

"I couldn't count how many times I've said 'just me and my mom' because it's always been just that," Shepherd began. "Me and my mom. She was a single parent and I'm an only child — she's been my whole life, and I've been hers. So for my life to suddenly have to move forward without her seems absolutely unfathomable."

"Stuck between battling the tidal waves of grief and attempting to write something that could accurately honor someone like my mother...how can you even put it in words?" she continued. "I guess I would want you to know how kind my mother was. She always rooted for the underdog because she felt she was one, too. She created the most warm, loving, fun, safe, well-fed household on our whole block."

The caption continued, "Her presence was big. She was loud and opinionated, optimistic and sarcastic, curious and brave. She talked to strangers like they were old friends, telling them her recipes and stories about me as a baby. She always said things that moms 'weren't supposed to say' — super inappropriate jokes, and there wasn't a curse word she didn't love."

Shepherd shared the touching message alongside a series of photos of her with her mom, beginning when she was just a baby and spanning through her teenage years to adulthood.

"And her hugs, the tight-comforting-full-body-embrace-deep-breath hugs that leave you feeling so loved," she wrote. "All now condensed into a knowing that for the rest of my life, I'll be aching for that missing piece of my heart. But, if you knew my mother, then you know she gave me lifetimes of love in the short time we had. On some level, her soul must've known we didn't have as much earthly time as I foolishly anticipated, so she loved on me hard while she was here. I know I will feel her love forever in everything I do."

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Stephanie Shepherd
| Credit: Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images

Finally, Shepherd detailed the difficulty of the "last couple weeks" following her mom's death.

"I have felt the deepest, most debilitating pain," she wrote. "An emptiness and devastation I couldn't possibly describe. But my mom raised me to be a strong, independent, self-sufficient, resilient woman. So, for her, and like her, that's what I’ll try and be."

In the comments section, Shepherd's close friends sent their well wishes and condolences, including members of the Kardashian-Jenner family.

"It's heartbreaking Steph... I'm so sorry for your pain and loss and grief...I'm praying for you and sending so much love," Kris Jenner commented, while Kim wrote, "I love you."

"Steph I love you!! I am so sorry!!!" said Khloé Kardashian. "You will have her love forever and she will have yours. I love you and I'm praying for you sweet Steph."

Added Kourtney Kardashian, "She was a very special one."