Shannon Beador Cries Over Weight Gain Driving Her & 'Disgusted' Husband David Apart: 'It's a Vicious Cycle'

"Ever since our vow renewal, David keeps taking steps back from me," Shannon says on this week's episode of RHOC

Shannon Beador feels like her weight gain is putting serious strain on her marriage — and she can’t ignore it any longer.

In a sneak peek at Monday’s Real Housewives of Orange County, Shannon, 53, sits down for a heart-to-heart with her mother, admitting that her 40-lb. weight gain has created a wedge between her and her husband David.

“With all the weight gain — I don’t know how it happened,” she says in the clip first shared by E! News.

After her mom asks if she’s gone to see a doctor about it, Shannon reveals she’s too afraid of what they might say.

“Everyone says if it’s your hormones, then the weight will [come] off so easily,” she says. “And I’m afraid it’s not my hormones, I guess.”

“I feel so s—ty about myself,” she continues, getting emotional. “When I look in the mirror, I don’t even recognize myself, and I know that David is just disgusted with the whole thing.”

“When I look at the mirror and don’t like what I see, at least I can justify in my head. ‘This is why David is growing apart from you, because look at you,’ ” she says.

RELATED VIDEO: Shannon Beador Reveals She Lost 15 Lbs. and Has 25 to Go

Shannon and David have been working to repair their marriage over the past three years, ever since his affair nearly tore them apart. They recently renewed their vows in August, but according to the Bravo star, the situation hasn’t improved since then.

“Ever since our vow renewal, David keeps taking steps back from me, and now as I’ve let myself go … we just kind of stay clear of each other,” she says. “A couple of weeks ago, he said our marriage isn’t doing well.”

“Sometimes I’ll have thoughts about that affair and I think, ‘Will I ever really get over it? Will I?’ ” she confesses. “As I’m so distant with David right now, I’m reminded of the period of the affair. Before, I would be able to forget about it, because I would say, ‘Everything is so great [between us].’ But now it’s not so great. It’s like a vicious cycle.”

The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Mondays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.