Rob Kardashian finally speaks! In a wide-ranging interview in the new issue of PEOPLE, on stands Friday, the reclusive reality star and his expectant fiancée, Blac Chyna, open up about their impending arrival, repairing relations with his famous sisters and dealing with his 100-lb. weight gain. Subscribe now for the exclusive interview, only in PEOPLE!
Now, the star of the upcoming E! reality series Rob & Chyna exclusively opens up to PEOPLE in this week’s cover story about what life was like during the nearly two years he lived outside of the spotlight – and perhaps most notably, his much-talked about decision not to attend sister Kim Kardashian‘s 2014 wedding to Kanye West.
Kardashian, 29, made it to Paris with his family, but ultimately skipped the rehearsal dinner at Versailles and the Florence wedding.
“I was doing my suit fittings in Paris right before the wedding and I just wasn’t comfortable,” reveals Kardashian. “I’m 6’1″ and at my most I probably weighed 300 lbs.”
“There were cameras at the airport on our trip there and I was very unhappy with the person I saw in all the pictures,” he admits. “I’m upset I missed my sister’s wedding but it was a personal decision.”
• For more from Rob Kardashian on his painful past – and bright future with Blac Chyna, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday
“I just wasn’t down to have photographers follow me, so I made sure I was away from all of that,” Kardashian explains. “I’m very good at disappearing.”
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Kardashian went on to skip out on “Christmases and birthdays and vacations” with his family, and despite their pleas, he continued to withdraw.
“I wasn’t happy with myself so I didn’t want my family to see me that way,” he says. “[Khloe and I] butt heads about it. She’s all about, ‘your biggest revenge is your body,’ and I’m trying to find happiness in my own way.”
The star acknowledges he “definitely hurt a lot of people” but vows to “never go to that place again.”
“The way I dealt with my issues maybe wasn’t the best, but nobody can make me happy but me,” he says. “Now I want to see everybody in my family every chance I get. You never know what is going to happen tomorrow, and I don’t want to do that to my mom [Kris Jenner].”
“There were definitely dark days for me, and I’m still not fully happy looking at myself in the mirror,” he admits. “But I’m working towards that. And I’m happy.”
Keeping Up with the Kardashians has its midseason finale this Sunday at 9 p.m. ET, and Rob & Chyna premieres Sept. 11 at 9 p.m. ET, both on E!