Luann de Lesseps discussed her ongoing struggle to stay sober during the reunion

By Jodi Guglielmi
July 18, 2019 10:00 PM

Luann de Lesseps knows sobriety can be a slippery slope.

The Countess opened up about her struggle with alcohol on Thursday night’s Real Housewives of New York City reunion, calling herself a “self-sabotager.”

“I’m a self-sabotager, it’s just who I am,” she said while discussing her brief arrest and court appearance in May after she violated her probation stemming from her 2017 arrest. “I’ve learned a lot about myself. When I’m doing great, that’s when I’ve got to be extra careful.”

During her Palm Beach court appearance in May, de Lesseps admitted to relapsing and failing an alcohol test, which prompted the judge to add additional terms to her probation.

RELATED: RHONY Star Luann de Lesseps Admits to Violating Probation, Is Briefly Handcuffed in Court

While the cabaret star has said she’s committed to remaining sober through the end of her probationary period, she doesn’t outright consider herself an alcoholic.

“I don’t know really know,” she said. “I know that I was definitely self-medicating and I was on a highway to hell.”

Heidi Gutman/Bravo

De Lesseps also addressed leaving the treatment program she attended last year early, insisting she stayed for three weeks despite the other women’s claims that she left after two in order to perform in a cabaret show.

“Being on stage makes me extremely happy, and I love it,” de Lesseps said. “For me, it’s therapy. I wanted to be there. I didn’t want to cancel.”

But when de Lesseps claimed the rehab center supported her checking out early, the other women weren’t buying it.

“As an outsider looking in, I think you should have canceled,” Ramona Singer said. “You should have never left rehab.”

RELATED: RHONY’s Luann de Lesseps Says Bravo Actually Paid for Her Rehab, Bethenny Frankel ‘Helped’

Ramona Singer and Luann de Lesseps
Craig Barritt/Getty; Ben Gabbe/Getty

“This is a false monologue,” added Bethenny Frankel.

When de Lesseps attempted to shut down Singer by calling her “Mrs. Pinot Grigio,” the reality star  came out swinging.

“I’m going to give you tough love,” Singer said. “I believe you’re still drinking on the side.”

“No, I’m not,” de Lesseps replied.

The final part of theReal Housewives of New York City reunion airs next Thursday at 9 p.m. ET on Bravo.