RHONY: Leah McSweeney Breaks Down About Past Struggle with Alcohol : 'I Carry a Lot of Guilt'

"I think when you think I'm judging about the drinking ... I wouldn't want to see you lose what you have worked so hard for," Leah McSweeney's mom Bunny told her

Leah McSweeney
Photo: Cassidy Sparrow/Getty Images

Leah McSweeney is opening up about her past struggle with alcohol.

During Thursday's episode of the Real Housewives of New York City, the reality star, 37, had an emotional heart-to-heart conversation with her mom, Bunny, about her previous battle with drinking and how it has affected her life now.

"I went to the bath house with Sarah the other day, and I was telling her that even though [my relationship with you] is really good and definitely a lot better than it used to be, that I think it can improve," Leah said. "She was, like, discouraging me. She was like, 'Mom said she doesn't even like you,' " Leah said her sister Sarah told her.

"Maybe, I might have said it," Bunny responded.

"That's mean, mom," said Leah.

Leah McSweeney
Leah McSweeney. Bravo

"One day I might not like you, another day I might not like Sarah," said Bunny. "That doesn't mean I don't love you and I don't care about you. The one thing I don't like, and I'll say it to the day I die, is drinking. If you want me to change my thoughts on that, I won't."

"I still carry a lot of guilt for everything that happened when I was a teenager," Leah said as she fought back tears. "Sometimes I feel like I can't let go of the f---ing teenager. Sometimes I feel like that's who I am."

Leah McSweeney
Leah McSweeney. Bravo

"But you're not," said Bunny. "You got sober. You had a baby. You have a business. You did fine. I think when you think I'm judging about the drinking ... I wouldn't want to see you lose what you have worked so hard for."

"That's not going to happen," said Leah.

But Bunny advised her, "I think you really have to be honest about that," and added, "Because I don't see it enhancing your life. I just don't. I don't think Kiera would like that either," referencing Leah's 12-year-old daughter.

"I have been drinking and it hasn't affected her or us or anything like that, and if it does, I am going to be honest about it," Leah said.

During the season premiere episode, Leah admitted that she'd been sober for nine years but had begun drinking again six months before filming started.

"Me and alcohol have a very weird relationship," she said, explaining that she struggles with moderation. "I am someone who actually enjoys like, completely like, going crazy."

Leah McSweeney and mom
Bunny and Leah McSweeney. Leah McSweeney/ instagram

Earlier in the season, Leah — who has continued to drink throughout the episodes — decided to tell her mother about her change in relationship with alcohol.

"My mom, I told her that I did end up drinking," Leah told her costars in April. "Not the end of the world, [but] she wasn't responding to my text messages after I told her, so when I called my dad I told him, 'I'm trying to get in touch with mom, I can't get in touch with her.' And he's like, 'Mommy is like, really mad at you and she just doesn't want to talk to you right now.' "

RELATED VIDEO: Ramona Singer Says 'There's Something About' Leah McSweeney 'That She Has to Embrace'

In June, Leah celebrated 90 days sober and shared a photo on Instagram of her sobriety pin.

"It’s been a trippy 90 days," she captioned the post.

The Real Housewives of New York City airs Thursdays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.

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