RHONY's Dorinda Medley Talks 'Terrible' Split from John Mahdessian: 'Endings Are Painful'

"I love John and I'll always love John," Dorinda Medley said about ex John Mahdessian

Dorinda Medley opened up about her sudden split from boyfriend John Mahdessian on Thursday's Real Housewives of New York City, telling her castmates that though she was upset about the breakup, she had outgrown her relationship and was ready to move on.

"The breakup with John is sad. I mean, it's terrible. But I also know that I have to do what's best for me now," Medley, 55, said.

"Endings are painful, but they’re sometimes good and healthy and needed," she told audiences. "It’s so easy just to keep communicating and just falling into old habits. Because I have a feeling if I didn’t do this, it would just keep staying plateaued for 10 years, 15 years. And then what?"

News broke back in September that Medley and Mahdessian, 54, went their separate ways after seven years together.

John Mahdessian and <a href="https://people.com/tag/dorinda-medley/" data-inlink="true">Dorinda Medley</a>
John Mahdessian and Dorinda Medley. Patrick McMullan via Getty

As Medley explained on Thursday's RHONY, the two didn't have a major falling out, but had instead grew apart over time.

"I love John and I'll always love John. There's no big fight," Medley said, adding that the two were on good terms and that Mahdessian would "always have a seat at my table."

"We love each other," Medley said. "I'm just doing a little reset."

<a href="https://people.com/tag/dorinda-medley/" data-inlink="true">Dorinda Medley</a> and John Mahdessian
Dorinda Medley and John Mahdessian. Mike Coppola/Getty

Medley told PEOPLE in April that her breakup from Mahdessian was just a part of "an emotional year" she had. At the time of filming, she was also healing from a broken rib, remodeling her new apartment in New York City, and completely rebuilding her house in Great Barrington, Massachusetts, after a massive flood that destroyed the majority of her belongings.

"I was going through a lot of changes that were really taking a toll in my personal life," said Medley, who inherited Bluestone Manor from her late husband Richard after his death in 2011."There were moments where I was like, ‘I don’t want to do this. It’s too much, it’s too big.' "

Throughout it all, Medley said she learned a lot about herself — and was finally able to embrace the fact that she is “a strong, empowered woman.”

“I feel very happy with who I am, how I am, and where I am in life now,” she insisted. "I’m a really great me now. I’m sort of in a really good, empowered place, and I can run myself emotionally, financially, physically, and spiritually. What comes of that, we’ll see!”

John Mahdessian and <a href="https://people.com/tag/dorinda-medley/" data-inlink="true">Dorinda Medley</a>
John Mahdessian and Dorinda Medley. Astrid Stawiarz/Getty

On Thursday's episode, she was still at the point of processing a lot of her complicated feelings.

The thing she had settled on? The fact that she was not the same person when she first met Mahdessian, shortly after Richard's death.

"You change, and I think the thing about me is, I have changed so much," Medley said. "The person that John met was probably different, period. Over the last seven years, you grow a lot."

"This whole thing has been such a good process because it's made me really reevaluate," Medley said, stressing how she wanted a quieter life, while Mahdessian was looking for more adventure. "I want to be super selfish with myself. I need a house cat right now and he wants to be an outdoor cat. ... My kitty's going to stay home!"

"I realize that my expectation levels have grown," she continued. "This is what I want now, this is what I need, and I need to find the right partner that's willing to be engaged in that. And I don't think that's bad, I think that's honesty."

In fact, going through the whole process helped Medley do something for the first time: really mourn the loss of Richard.

"I'm making the decision to be alone and it's the first time I am okay with it," Medley said.

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Despite being at peace with things, Medley did get emotional towards the end of the episode, admitting that she was really hurting.

"I'm not a good transitioner," she said. "I try to stay strong as much as I can, but you know what, I’m not easy either."

"I never want to have anyone walk away and say, 'My life was less because I met Dorinda Medley.' I want them to say, 'My life was better' because I met them," she said, holding back tears. "I don’t want to do anything hurtful or harmful."

Ramona Singer was supportive. "Honey, you blessed his life and he blessed your life," she told Medley. "Don’t even think that. That’s bad negativity."

"I think Dorinda has to focus on herself," Singer said. "She can’t worry about what John thinks, about what other people think. And I think the reason for John being in her life is over. It’s okay to move on. It’s okay."

"She’s in pain," Singer continued. "And guess who’s suffering from her pain? We are!"

The Real Housewives of New York City airs Thursdays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.

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