RHOD's Stephanie Hollman Confronts Her Deep Insecurities: 'I've Always Felt I Wasn't Good Enough'
"I feel like my entire life, I'm being taken advantage of," Stephanie Hollman said on Wednesday's Real Housewives of Dallas
The mother of two, 37, got emotional during a poignant conversation with her mother about her ongoing issues with Westcott, tearing up at one point as she admitted some of her biggest insecurities.
For a few seasons now on the Bravo show, Hollman and Westcott, 36, have been at odds with one another, the two unable to connect despite each of their best efforts.
Westcott was particularly hurt by Hollman when she compared their friendship to one that’s more “surface level.” To add insult to injury, Hollman bailed on a party Westcott was throwing due to a last-minute parenting commitment.
In turn, Westcott — on Wednesday’s episode — bailed on a party Hollman was having, citing a similar conflict. However, she told costar Kary Brittingham that she would try to change her plans if Hollman called to personally convince her to come.
“I go above and beyond for my close friends and she doesn’t really consider me as a close friend so I’m like, guess what, I guess I don’t have to go above and beyond until I see change,” Westcott said.
All that left Hollman feeling stuck. “It feels like a power struggle to me,” she told her mother, Susan. “Whenever I do something wrong or whenever I state my mind, she gets very upset.”
“She’s trying to manipulate the situation to make her come to her standards to be a friend and that’s not what a friend does,” Susan told her daughter. “Don’t give her this much energy, she doesn’t deserve it.”
But Hollman couldn’t help it, as a lifelong people pleaser.
“I’ve always been somebody who seeks peace over resolution,” Hollman said. “I make myself sick trying to make people happy. And I feel like my entire life, I’m being taken advantage of. I’ve always took on your trait of being a people pleaser, going along to get along.”
That’s something she learned from her mother.
“When I was a child, my mother would bend over backwards to make people happy,” she told audiences. “Some people would treat her like absolute crap because they didn’t think my mother was good enough to be with my father because she was raised poorer than him. She would always hold her tongue trying to be nice but she would always cry in private. Maybe she taught me to be a good person to others but not to myself.”
It wasn’t just the way those women treated Susan — it was also the way they treated Hollman.
“Growing up, this group of women who treated my mother horribly, treated my sister and I equally bad because we were her daughters; like we were dogs,” Hollman said. “It was just really hurtful. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. It changed me.”
What did that have to do with Westcott? According to Hollman, she felt triggered by the SparkleDog owner.
“Kameron brings that insecurity out because I’m never enough,” Hollman said.
“I think that’s why Kameron triggers me. Because she reminds me of that worthless feeling like when I was a child,” Hollman added. “I feel like I’ve taught her it’s okay to treat me this way over the years because I’ve avoided, apologized, to go along to get along. I don’t want to do that anymore.”
“I guess it bothers me because I have not been able to prove to Kameron that I’m worthy of her friendship. Which is so stupid,” Hollman also said on Wednesday’s episode. “I also don’t feel like I should have to chase somebody around and be like, ‘Love me, love me, love me.’ I did that a lot with guys in my past and I felt like a pathetic loser.”
In the end, Hollman got some great advice from Susan about the entire situation.
“Her opinion doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t. Your opinion of yourself is the one that matters,” Susan said.
“I’m really sorry that you’re feeling this. … No one who says they’re your friend should make it their goal to make you feel this way,” Susan continued. “Quite frankly, I’m proud of you. It’s taken me 60 years to figure out I’m okay without certain people in my life. She doesn’t deserve your friendship. Don’t make yourself vulnerable to her.”
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Wednesdays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.