August 13, 2018 10:00 PM

Shannon Beador‘s 40-lb. weight gain was one of the contributing factors in her divorce. And now, the insecurities she still feels over her body are preventing her from meeting Mr. Right.

On Monday’s episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County, Beador opened up about the emotional hurtles she still needs to pass after her 17-year marriage in order to feel comfortable dating again, admitting, “I want to have a partner … [but] I don’t know if I’m ready.”

Though she’s lost weight, Beador is still learning to love herself and rebuild her confidence.

“I think that part of the reason why I can’t imagine myself with somebody or dating somebody is because I’m not comfortable in my body,” she told fellow Housewife Kelly Dodd, tearing up. “If I were to take my clothes off, I don’t want to see it so I don’t want somebody else to see it.”

“I know I’m a good catch, but it’s hard for me to say,” she added. “I was just told for all these years that I’m selfish and I’m worthless and I’m fat. I know I’m not, but when you hear it for so long…”

Shannon Beador
John Tsiavis/Bravo

RELATED: RHOC‘s Shannon Beador Struggles to Take Off Her Wedding Ring: ‘It’s a Big Deal’

RELATED VIDEO: Shannon Beador on Dating After Divorce: ‘I Am Dating a Little Now!’

Dodd, who had also recently gotten divorced, understood.

“I’ve heard all of those things for so long too, Shannon,” she said, holding back tears. “There’s not days I don’t cry or [feel] depressed. I’m lonely. I don’t have anybody having my back. It’s sad. I want somebody that’s there for me.”

“It looks like I go out and have a good time with guys, but the reality is, I just got out of a 13 year marriage and I am not used to being alone,” Dodd admitted to audiences.

Kelly Dodd
John Tsiavis/Bravo

It was an emotional admission for both, but Beador and Dodd said they were lucky to have each other. “Kelly and I have gone through hell and back,” Beador said. “Who would have thought that I’d be sitting, having a nice conversation. And her supporting me, shows you how you can evolve.”

“The best and right thing is happening for the both of us,” she said. “I’m just grateful we’ve reached the point in our relationship where we totally understand each other. You have such a big heart and I’m really grateful that we’re at this place.”

Said Dodd: “I’m grateful to you too. I mean, who knew?”

RELATED VIDEO: Shannon Beador on Co-Parenting With Ex-Husband: ‘I Want David to Be a Part of My Children’s Lives’

Now, Beador, seems to have gotten over some of her hurtles.

On Monday’s Jeff Lewis Live, she revealed that she’s been dating more and more, and has been having fun doing it.

“I’m just trying to navigate through it,” she said. “I will say I’m having a lot of fun right now. I don’t think I’ve ever had more fun. When I was in my younger years, you’re trying to struggle financially. Now I’m just having fun.”

The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Mondays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.

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