By People Staff
Updated January 21, 2009 12:00 AM
Credit: Bravo

Good News? Sad News? Regardless of your stance, we can report: Gretchen and Ryan are NOT the newest couple on The Real Housewives of Orange County.

After a tequila-fueled dinner at Tam’s place, they didn’t hook up, but Gretchen did manage to say behind a closed door, “I like you. You’re really cute and totally turn me one,” before she rejected the persevering youngster’s request for “just one kiss.”

A few days later the two reunited at a pool party — this time sans copious amounts of tequila (children younger than Ryan were present). Despite Tam’s insistence that, “Ryan showed up because he knew Gretchen would be at the house,” nothing but hugs and an awkward hello were exchanged.

This didn’t stop Tamra from awkwardly notifying her guests of the affair that never was. And when she wasn’t gossiping about Gretchen, Tam was complimenting her pals on boob jobs well done. “I think Gretchen was a little jealous. She wants boobs so bad,” she said.

When the Housewives headed north for a trip to Fred Siegel, Tam was unable to go, leaving some of the ladies to assume the obvious: she must be pregnant.

In the limo, Vicki deflated the rumor and then nonchalantly pulled out another quintessential buzz kill — her laptop. Her diligence shouldn’t come as a surprise — she was recently honored by a business-networking group in a backyard ceremony (and took a tumble on the way down from the podium). Anyway, when Lynne offered to be the career woman’s secretary she was quickly shot down. “I need someone who knows how to work,” Vicki replied.

Once at FS, the ladies created personalized fragrances. Like niche Barbies, they each chose scents to match their personalities. Gretch wanted “flirty” (pause) “… but sophisticated.” Lynne was into an “earthy,” “nature girl” vibe. Vicki requested a scent that embodied “work” and “career.” And Jeana — who has taken on the role of “mopey housewife” — was unable to articulate who she was or what she wanted.

Things didn’t stay so light-hearted at lunch when the conversation turned to money. More specifically, they discussed whether or not Gretchen would be “taken care of” should Jeff pass away. The business-minded Vicki and Jeana urged Gretch to protect herself while Lynne — whose husband survived cancer — took a more humanistic approach. “It’s not all about money,” she explained. Vicki insisted she was only trying to help.

But don’t think Lynne didn’t get the last laugh. The woman who “doesn’t know how to work” was smiling at the end of the episode when buyers from Fred Segal offered to sell her jewelry line, Cuff Love, in their store.

“I was going to make Vicki one,” she said with a smile, “but I don’t know if it’s going to have horns or not.” — Allison Gross

Tell us: Should Gretchen take Vicki’s or Lynne’s advice when it comes to Jeff’s money?