Alex McCord's Take on 'The Real Housewives of Miami'

The New York City star welcomes the newest Housewives and gives a rundown of their premiere episode

Photo: Courtesy Bravo

It’s 30 degrees in New York City, so let’s see whether the stars of The Real Housewives of Miami can heat things up …

Before we even get to the credits, does anyone else think someone confused the wide-angled lens with wide-angled legs? But at least we know that everyone is completely bare – oops, wrong city. After the show before the show, we meet the ladies. So what did we learn, besides the fact that Marysol has a self-proclaimed witch for a mom? I can’t wait to see more of Elsa! Housewives’ moms with wine and inappropriate sexual questions are always welcome here.

Loved Lea’s house and the story of how she met her husband, but why is she obsessed with collecting eccentric people? Is she bored with herself? We’ll see. Larsa is beautiful and seemingly in love with her husband – and the other girls needed to give her a big break about staying out late. They have teenagers! Larsa has a 15-month-old and a few more under 10, plus she isn’t divorced. The only thing I want to ask is that she please never say “funner” ever again. Oh, and don’t shoot the nanny.

I wasn’t sure about Adriana throughout the whole first episode – yes, it’s Miami but I didn’t quite buy that bravado. Turns out at the end of this episode, we hear that her husband had another wife and child (children?) tucked away in Brazil. Larsa piped up with sound advice – know the money, know the man, though a bit too late for Adriana. So does Ms. Bombshell act out in order to keep herself distant from other people? Just a theory – we’ll see if that plays out in future episodes.

Alexia’s seventeen-year-old son is going on a cruise with his girlfriend. Without mom. She says she’s a little bit worried, naturally … about … his diet? I had a lot of questions too. Were they traveling with the girlfriend’s whole family, with separate cabins (preferably on separate decks) and a curfew? I hope so. Let’s not even get to the bottle service in clubs yet. If she is worried about his eating habits, she can start with explaining grass-fed beef.

Cristy met with a psychic, who told her that 2010 is going to be her year and she’s going to meet Mr. Right. Now, we know this moment must have happened a while ago, which means we get to check out the psychic’s accuracy. Did she meet him?

Marysol wins the award for the most shameless Housewives business venture plug to date, by writing her PR company name on the chef’s hat at Lea’s cooking party. In case you missed it, the ladies festooned their hats with “beauty queen,” “head chef,” “sex pot” and “The Patton Group.” She forgot her Twitter handle. The only one to support Adriana’s future lesbianism, Marysol is also anti-plastic surgery, or did she just mean before lunch? Well, knife or no knife, she looks like she’s having fun. So much fun, she can’t remember what day it is! I think I like her the best so far.

Interestingly, my moment of the evening actually wasn’t on Housewives. It was Charo grabbing Andy’s tie and exposing his microphone on Watch What Happens Live – I hadn’t seen Señor Cohen that taken aback since Teresa pushed him down on the couch on the New Jersey reunion. Until next week!

For more about Real Housewives, visit For more on Alex, including her book, Little Kids, Big City, visit her Web site or follow her on Twitter

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