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March 23, 2015 02:00 PM

She shared her life on The Girls Next Door, but Holly Madison has been hiding a secret until now.

The former Playboy bunny – who starred alongside Kendra Wilkinson, Bridget Marquardt and, of course, Hugh Hefner on the E! series – is releasing a memoir June 23 in which she reveals she was suicidal while living in the Playboy Mansion.

“What seemed like a fairy tale life inside the Playboy Mansion – including A-list celebrity parties and her own No. 1-rated television show for four years – quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation and battles with ambitious, backstabbing bunnies,” reads a press release for the tell-all, Down the Rabbit Hole.

The release also reveals that “Life inside the notorious Mansion wasn’t a dream at all – and quickly became her nightmare. After losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future, Holly found herself alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.”

Madison married music festival producer Pasquale Rotella in 2013. The pair welcomed their first child, daughter Rainbow Aurora, last September.

Holly Madison Considered Suicide During Life in the Playboy Mansion

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