Pete Davidson Roasts Ariana Grande in Netflix Special — But His Grandpa Loved 'Thank U, Next'
Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande ended their four-month engagement in October 2018
In Alive From New York, which dropped on the streaming service Tuesday, the Saturday Night Live comedian referenced the controversial joke he made on the show in 2018 about Rep. Dan Crenshaw‘s eye patch before skewing Grande, whom he split from in October 2018, four months after getting engaged.
“The only thing I did do, and I apologize for, is I did make that guy famous and a household name for no reason, right?” Davidson, 26, said of Crenshaw, 35.
“I did what like Ariana Grande did for me, right? Yeah. Yes. I sucked his d— at SNL,” the comedian joked, eliciting both laughs and gasps from the crowd.
“I wasn’t going to do jokes about this, but then my buddy told me, he’s like, ‘Yo, I recently heard that Ariana said she had no idea who you were and she just dated you as a distraction.’ ” Davidson added. “So now I just think it’s like fair game.”
Davidson continued, “You know, she has her songs and stuff and this is what I have, okay? All right? That’s it, all right? And you’re like, ‘Pete, this isn’t fair. You’re airing out your dirty laundry. How could you do that? Where did she say this stuff? To her friends? In the confidence of her own home?’ No, she said it on the cover of Vogue magazine.”
“Can you imagine if I did that? My career would be over tomorrow. If I spray-painted myself brown and hopped on the cover of Vogue magazine and just started sh—ing on my ex?” he added, referring to backlash against the singer’s tan in the Vogue photos.
“If I was like, ‘Yeah, I was just f—ing her ‘cause I was bored. Then Fortnite came out!’ ” Davidson added. “That would be insane. And you’re like, ‘Well, Pete, something had to happen to her, right? You know, there had to be some repercussions, right?’ No. She won Billboard’s Woman of the Year. And I got called ‘Butthole Eyes’ by BarStoolSports.com.”
The comedian said that “sometimes life is a little unfair,” before noting, “Again, these are jokes, I don’t want any smoke, okay?”
“People ask me all the time, you know, they’re like, what was — it’s like any other breakup, you know, it’s just that everyone sees it,” Davidson said. “Uh, yeah. I didn’t know what I was getting — I kind of knew what I was getting into, but not really. I didn’t know about the picture thing. If I knew about that, I would’ve seen a dermatologist before I started dating her. I would have like taken proper precaution.”
When discussing Grande’s hit song “thank u, next” — which makes references to the singer’s exes, Davidson included — the comedian joked that even his grandpa was a fan.
“My grandpa’s like, he goes, ‘It’s a slap. Peter, Peter, it’s a slap. I’m really sorry. It’s a good song, and I don’t even listen to that s—,’ ” Davidson said. “And I was like, ‘I get it!’ But yeah, uh, this is the only thing I didn’t like that I got out of it, which everybody — it’s a common misconception.”
Davidson also said that he didn’t appreciate Grande’s since-deleted tweet about the size of his penis. “Like 10 inches? …oh f—…i mean…like a lil over a minute,” the singer responded to a fan who asked how long her song “pete davidson” was on Twitter in June 2018.
“Uh, I don’t like that she talked all this s— on behalf of my d—,” Davidson admitted. “I thought that was super weird. She was like, ‘Yeah, it didn’t work out, but like, nice d—!’ I thought that was really weird, ‘cause like everybody was like, ‘Oh, that’s, what a nice girl!’ ”
“I didn’t like it, because it’s just simply not true,” he said. “Uh, yeah, yeah. It’s not — she has tiny little hands. She has very little hands. Everything is f—ing huge to her. Yeah. It was a f— joke the entire time.”
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“She did that so that — she’s a genius, remember this, she’s a very smart person, okay? She did that so that every girl that sees my d— for the rest of my life is disappointed,” Davidson said, to much applause.
“That’s a lifetime L. Hold that,” he said. “I didn’t even get to enjoy my big d— summer, whatever the f— it was called. Please stop doing that. I have a family that reads. Stop. My poor mother.”
Davidson and Grande, 26, first started dating in May 2018 — the same month it was confirmed she’d ended things with ex Mac Miller after nearly two years together — and they were engaged by mid-June. Less than two months after Miller’s tragic death that September, Grande and Davidson called it quits.
Last week, Davidson confirmed that he sought treatment at the Sierra Tucson treatment center in Arizona during a stand-up show at Carolines on Broadway in New York City, the New York Post‘s Page Six reported. The Sierra Tucson facility treats individuals struggling with substance abuse, as well as eating disorders, trauma-related issues, mood and anxiety disorders, and chronic pain, according to its website.
Pete Davidson: Alive from New York is streaming now on Netflix.