In a November video for Vogue‘s YouTube series “Sad Hot Girls,” David, 24, hilariously walks fans through the steps she takes to overcome heartbreak.
“It was about three years ago and my longterm boyfriend broke up with me,” she begins. “It was like, one of those really killer breakups. Let’s say you died and then no one cared — that’s pretty much how I felt.”
David — the daughter of Larry David who is also an actress and producer herself — goes on to reveal that family friend Rita Wilson offered some sage advice.
“She asked me what happened and the floodgates kind of opened up,” recalls David. “She assured me regardless of my situation, he will absolutely text me in eight weeks. So I did what any psychotic, broken-up girl would do and I created an eight-week breakup program.”
The first week, “you have to allow yourself to just wallow,” explains David.
“I watched every single breakup movie there is to watch. I ate crap — candy and sugar and pizza and ice cream,” she continues, deadpanning: “All together, as a sandwich.”
Week two, according to David, is really just about “recovering from what you put yourself through during week one.”
“I personally worked out every single day and drank juice,” she says. “I didn’t do like, a juice cleanse. I just drank juice along with my meals.”
Week three is when you must “dethrone your ex from that pedestal.” The best way to achieve that? “Thinking about a time he looked gross or did something gross,” advises David. “I personally looked through all of his Facebook profile pictures, just because any photo a guy chooses of themselves is by default very embarrassing.”
“Week four, it’s time to venture out of the house,” she continues. “What I would try to do is actually get in the background of other people’s videos — just looking fun and relaxed. Week five, it’s time to find a person in your phone to flirty-text with. But I think a good motto for the fifth week is flirt with everyone and hook up with no one.”
The sixth week is a good time to post that “calculated, attractive photo of yourself,” says David. “It definitely has to look casual, even if it means getting your hair and makeup done for it and recruiting your model friend to help you pose. Modeling is just looking angry that God made you so beautiful.”
“I didn’t even know when the seventh week approached,” she adds. “I only knew it was the eighth week because I actually did get a text from my ex. Unfortunately, no one told me what to do when the eight weeks were over, so I did ruin all my hard work in my 10 response texts back to him. So, you know, you live and you learn.”
David and Davidson, 24, dated for about two years. In mid-May, the Saturday Night Live star confirmed they had split in PEOPLE’s exclusive clip of his interview with Complex’s Open Late with Peter Rosenberg.
“We’re not together anymore,” he said of his ex, calling her a “very talented girl.”
“She’ll be great and she’ll be fine,” he added. “I think she’ll be okay.”
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While David hasn’t commented on Davidson and Grande’s engagement, she did make a subtle quip about her ex’s new relationship.
“Been in Africa, what’d I miss?” she captioned a photo of herself after the initial news broke that they were dating.