Not a single spoiler here. Nope, none.
Credit: Glen Wilson/Netflix

We interrupt our previously scheduled review of Pee-wee’s Big Holiday to bring you an actual letter given to critics by Mr. Pee-wee Herman (Paul Reubens). In said missive, Mr. Herman strokes the easily massaged egos of the journalistic community by calling us “esteemed members of the press,” offers a friendly “hi there,” then goes on for a bit about The Sixth Sense. At last, he gets to the meat:

“In all seriousness, I am asking you, distinguished members of the media, for a really big favor. If you’ve seen any of my movies (and who hasn’t?!), there are very few plot points. But they are very, very, very important! So I am asking you to help me help the viewers of Pee-wee’s Big Holiday discover the plot on their own, not before they see it. Please?! I don’t want viewers to know ahead of time that [REDACTED] plays [REDACTED] or that [DELETED] [VERB EXCISED] me to [SUPER SECRET THING HERE]. And while I’m pushing my luck, it would be stupendous if it was also a secret that the movie opens with [PRETTY SURE PEE-WEE HAS MY HOME ADDRESS, SO NAH].”

As you can plainly see, this puts the reviewer of the film in question in a difficult position. All I find myself being allowed to say is that there is a trip of some sort and there are encounters with various memorable characters. That’s about it. Oh, and it’s funny and the homoerotic undercurrent is quite sweet. But as I find myself treading dangerously close to the edge of Pee-wee’s wrath, I will stop there. You may see this film on Netflix, if you are so inclined. I believe that is not part of the secret.

Pee-wee’s Big Holiday begins streaming Friday.