Patti Stanger Blogs: What You Can Learn from 'Bachelor' & 'Bachelorette' Breakups

The relationship expert takes on Ben Flajnik and Courtney Robertson and Emily Maynard and Jef Holm

Photo: Tommy Garcia/Bravo

Love and relationship expert Patti Stanger is a best-selling author and the star of Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker. She’ll be blogging regularly for about celebrity relationships. Get Patti’s advice on all things love, sex, relationships, astrology, fashion, beauty, recipes and more on

Ben Flajnik and Courtney Robertson from season 16 of The Bachelor and Emily Maynard and Jef Holm from season 8 of The Bachelorette have recently announced their breakups.

This is nothing new for the winners of these two shows. But what’s the love lesson? Here are two things you can learn from the most recent relationship flops:

1. Talk first, ring second: On both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, it seems like proposing marriage is equivalent to saying, “Let’s date.” Everyone knows those aren’t the same things. A ring means a commitment. But more than that, it means that you’ve talked about your shared future and have decided together on a shared vision of it. These couples don’t always know if they truly share similar values because they have not had time to put them to the test outside of paradise. If you’re going to get engaged make sure you’ve talked to your partner about life together in the years to come.

2. Love is a two way street: In these shows, the Bachelor or Bachelorette can’t show as much emotion as their suitors, and often does none of the pursuing. The relationship seesaw never goes up and down like it should in a partnership. One person is stuck up in the air with no way to get off the ride. That is not a sound foundation for a relationship. Before marriage is on the table, you have to know what the seesaw feels like on a balanced level. In other words, be sure that you and your partner aren’t in a similar situation – but that you’re both pursuing happily ever after together.

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