But the Total Bellas star admits she has hope they'll one day get back together

By Breanne L. Heldman
July 04, 2018 11:05 AM

The confusion around the state of Nikki Bella‘s relationship with John Cena is real.

After the most recent episode of Total Bellas, in which the couple’s wedding was back on following a secret split, fans assumed the pair — who publicly called off their engagement on April 15 — were back to Plan A, and getting ready for a trip down the aisle. But, alas, those scenes were filmed months ago, and that’s not the case, as Bella explained in a recent YouTube video.

“I’ll admit my relationship, it has been in a super emotional rollercoaster ride, and I think it’s hard for people to understand because we film and things get show months after,” she says. “I feel like I have to say what’s the update on John and I, but right now, we are just friends.”

(Nevertheless, PEOPLE confirmed in June that the pro wrestlers are officially reconciled .)

“We are both working on each other and trying to work on us,” Bella, 34, continues. “We talk every day. He is not only my best friend but he truly is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. He has patience with me, and he has really taught me a lot over the past few months. I think one of those things is an inner strength that I thought I had, but didn’t realize how strong I had it.”

Later, she notes, “I do have hope for us. John right now is in China filming a movie. I hate to say perfect timing, but it’s giving us this time in life to see what we really want for the future.”

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In April, Bella ended their engagement three weeks before the wrestlers’ May 5 wedding date. Sources previously told PEOPLE that her decision to call it quits was due to their differing stances on marriage and having kids.

In May, Bella and Cena, 41, were spotted out for the first time in San Diego together, four weeks after the breakup announcement.

“For all of you who are going to get married, who are engaged or who are married, I think you understand this is forever. And I don’t want to be someone who has a divorce or who has kids and then gets a divorce,” Bella explains. “I truly want to walk down that aisle, and I want to give my vows, and I want this to be one time, so there’s a lot of issues that I had to deal with and really what I wanted for the rest of my life. I’m just beyond grateful that I have this amazing man who is staying by my side and helping me fight through these issues and helping me become an even better person.

“Hopefully one day, we will get back together. And if we don’t, we just both want each other to be very, very happy. … I am very lucky to be his best friend and if I don’t, in the end, become his wife, I am lucky to have shared the most amazing six years of my life with that person.”

Bella concludes her video with a preview of the rest of the season of Total Bellas — including her bachelorette party! — and a warning about its conclusion.

“The season finale is very tough,” she says. “I will just warn you all. It’s very honest and raw and real and you will see why John and I are where we’re at today.”

Total Bellas airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on E!.