Nikki Bella Felt 'Off' After Getting Engaged to John Cena: 'I Just Know Deep Down I Want a Baby'

Nikki Bella continues to struggle with her decision to give up having kids as her wedding day approaches

The cracks in Nikki Bella and John Cena‘s relationship begin to show on the season 2 premiere of Total Bellas.

In the episode, which airs May 20, Nikki continues to struggle with her desire to be a mom, despite Cena’s clear stance against having children.

While playing with sister Brie‘s daughter Birdie, Nikki admits that she never thought she could have such a strong “connection with a baby.”

“I just look at Birdie’s face and never thought I could have this connection with a baby,” Nikki says during an on-camera interview with Brie. “I want to give her everything and make sure she has the greatest life. I’ve never felt that unconditional love.”

Brie then suggests that perhaps her bond with Birdie is a sign.

“Or Birdie is placed here on this planet to let you know you can have a connection like that with your own,” she says.

Later in the episode, Brie asks Nikki if seeing Birdie grow up makes her regret her decision to give up having kids for Cena.

“I was like 100 percent okay not being a mom but Birdie just gets cuter by the day,” says Nikki, adding that she tried to bring up the subject of having kids again to Cena, but he said, “absolutely not.”

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“It’s such a load of s—,” Brie says during an interview segment. “Nicole, what the f— are you doing? There’s someone out there who will marry you and give you babies. Someplace in your heart you have to be like, ‘I love you, you’re a great man, you’re just not for me.'”

The issue mounts during the second episode of the season at an engagement party, when Nikki’s sister-in-law announces her second pregnancy.

“I am so happy for my brother and his wife, it’s just hard to not be affected when everyone around you is having not only one baby, they’re having more,” says Nikki. “They’re having families. I just know deep down I want a baby. I want to be a mom, and I feel like I can’t live the rest of my life not having one.”

Nikki admits that she’s felt “off” since getting engaged because once they are married, it will be official that she won’t ever have a baby.

RELATED VIDEO: John Cena Says He Wants to ‘Have a Family’ with Ex Nikki Bella After Calling Off Wedding

When she sits down to once again discuss her struggling over giving up having kids with Cena, she begins to cry.

“I would never force you to be a dad,” she says to Cena.

He replies. “I would never force you to become a mom … I told you so many times this would happen … I’m not sure we should go through with this.”

Total Bellas returns this fall, and season 3 of Total Bellas premieres May 20 at 9 p.m. ET, both on E!

The Dancing with the Stars alum called off the engagement three weeks before she and Cena, 40, were meant to walk down the aisle.

The wedding would’ve occurred over a year after Cena proposed to Bella on live TV during WrestleMania 33 in April 2017. And there was even a TV special planned about their wedding set to air in July, but the concept was scrapped after they split after six years together.

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