Nikki Bella and John Cena had planned to get married in Napa, California
Almost one year after the formerly engaged couple ended their romance just weeks before their wedding, Nikki, 35, returned to Napa, California, where she and pro wrestler and actor Cena, 41, planned to tie the knot.
“This is the first time I’ve been back in Napa since my big breakup and I just immediately get all those memories,” Nikki says in an E! News sneak peak of Sunday’s Total Bellas episode.
“But, a part of me is like okay Nicole, now you have to make new memories,” she shares.
Although returning to the place where she planned to say “I do” is difficult for the WWE star, she isn’t alone: she has her twin sister Brie Bella by her side.
“I definitely made Napa a lot about the ex, but I think because I have such a love for wine that it makes it feel okay,” she tells Brie.
Still, the return to Northern California is emotional for Nikki. “I think that’s why I was crying so much yesterday. I feel like it was the first time I just fully was starting my true grieving and healing process,” she says.
While Nikki has made progress in moving on from Cena, she knows she’ll experience a flood of emotions when her ex finds someone new.
“No matter what, the next time I see him with someone it’s going to kill me,” she says. “I still have a long way to go. But honestly, I’m ready for a new me. I need it. You know what I feel like I need to do? I need to start living as if I don’t care whether it’s my ex or anyone else watching me and afraid to hurt their feelings.”
Overall, the reality star hopes to move on from Cena: “I just want to move forward.”
And in the time since, it appears that Nikki has opened herself up to the possibility of finding love again.
“They’ve been spending time together for a long time, but it’s nothing serious right now,” said a source of the couple, who danced together on season 25 of DWTS in 2017.
“They have a strong attraction to each other, but they’re just having fun. They’re both extremely busy with their own careers, so they spend time together when they can,” said the source.
Earlier this month, though, the pair took their relationship to the next level.
Total Bellas airs Sundays (9 p.m. ET) on E!