No, Mike Rowe Did Not Rob a Bank in Oregon – Despite Bearing an Uncanny Resemblance to the Actual Robber
The 'Dirty Jobs' host exonerated himself in a lengthy Facebook post that also suggests a new theory about the culprit's puzzling lack of disguise
Former Dirty Jobs host Mike Rowe didn’t rob an Oregon bank earlier this week – and he can prove it.
Rowe took to Facebook on Wednesday to exonerate himself from the wrongful accusations thrown his way after the Medford, Oregon, Police Department posted pictures on their own Facebook page of a perp who bears a striking resemblance to Rowe.
“True, I am often attired in a sweatshirt and ball cap, and yes, I do share a certain resemblance with the culprit. I’ve also been spotted in Medford on more than one occasion, (a lovely town by any standard),” he writes. “However, I am not ‘5’6″-5’8″ tall with a small to medium build.’ The last time I was 5’6″-5’8″ I was in the 6th grade. And the ‘small to medium’ ship sailed some time ago.”
Yup, Mike Rowe Just Managed to Make a Kazoo Dirty
Rowe, 53, who adds that he was in Kansas City at the time of the robbery, goes on to offer his own theory as to why the robber appears not to have taken any measures to disguise his face.
“What if the thief was not an idiot, but a clever person of below average height wearing a Mike Rowe mask?” the Deadliest Catch narrator speculates. “Crazy as it sounds, these masks exist. I don’t know where people get them, but a couple of years ago I ran into a woman at a Halloween party who was wearing my face, and I don’t mind telling you it scared the hell out of me.”
Therefore, he concludes, Medford residents should be looking not for a Mike Rowe lookalike, but for “a much skinnier and far less attractive man about six inches shorter, probably wearing a shirt and tie.”
Shortly after Rowe’s hilarious post, the Medford police responded by accepting his alibi and writing, “Back to the drawing board, we are now looking for a suspect wearing a Mike Rowe mask, which is brilliant, why didn’t we think of that?”