"I think I was brainwashing myself to really see what was going down," Meghan King Edmonds said

By Dave Quinn
January 24, 2020 04:57 PM
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Hindsight is 20/20 for Meghan King Edmonds.

The former Real Housewives of Orange County star is opening up about the regrets she now feels about her five-year marriage to estranged husband Jim Edmonds in the wake of their divorce filing, especially regarding how he treated her on the Bravo reality show.

“I felt like I was such a dumba–,” Meghan, 35, said during an appearance on Heather McDonald’s Juicy Scoop podcast. “I was watching myself like, ‘Oh my god, Meg, you’re so dumb.’ ”

“I wasn’t dumb, I knew what I saw, but I was defending him so much like any good spouse should defend,” Meghan added. “And that’s what I did. But I think I was brainwashing myself to really see what was going down.”

“I was blinded by love,” she continued.

Meghan King Edmonds and Jim Edmonds
Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty; Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty

As RHOC viewers will remember, Jim, 49, often got a lot of flack during Meghan’s three seasons of RHOC for seeming unsupportive of her and the show.

The two were shown bickering over everything from Meghan’s desire to start a family to their long-distance relationship. (The former baseball player spent six months out of the year in St. Louis for work, leaving Meghan alone in Orange County).

Jim earned a reputation for being “controlling,” “condescending,” and “annoyed” with Meghan, claims repeated to him by Andy Cohen on RHOC‘s season 10 reunion.

There, Jim saying he wished he was “nicer to my wife” during taping. “It’s rough on TV, for sure,” Jim said. “They were filming a lot and I was tired, we were tired, and I just was annoyed. I’m not used to this. I’m not ready for this. I wasn’t really ready for TV to catch everything.”

“There’s a lot of good and a lot of bad, and I think a lot of the bad came out. Which is fine,” Jim added. “They can’t edit what you don’t say, and I said it. There are things that happened, and that’s the way it goes. Some of it looks more dramatic on TV than it is in real life and some people know who we are. And everyone goes through it.”

Looking back on it all on Juicy Scoop, Meghan admitted, “It was hard for me to watch a lot of the interactions that Jim would have with me.”

“I just think if the spotlight shifts from anyone other than him, it’s a challenge for his ego,” said Meghan, who left RHOC after season 12. “But at the same time, suck it up! Clearly this means something to your wife, [so] suck it up, swallow your pride, and just play along for five minutes and then you can go do whatever you want to do. That’s what I think about it.”

“He was such a curmudgeon about it,” Meghan said, noting how Jim was absent during her in vitro fertilization procedure for now 3-year-old daughter Aspen. “When [season 2] came up, he was like, ‘I’m not going to film.’ If you want to skip a party, okay fine, but maybe if your wife is going through IVF, you make a little bit of an effort! That bothered me. But I would ask people to think about their marriage. This is the person you love, and you’re committed to. You make excuses for them and … pick your battles.”

Meghan King Edmonds and Jim Edmonds
Meghan King Edmonds/Instagram

Meghan and Jim married in 2014 after dating for a year and a half.

Last June, sexual text messages between Jim and another woman surfaced. The two — who share daughter Aspen as well as 18-month twins Hart King and Hayes King — weathered the scandal and stayed together, but they split in October when Jim filed for divorce amid rumors that he had an affair with their former nanny, Carly Wilson. (Both Edmonds and Wilson have denied having a sexual relationship).

Asked by McDonald if she considered divorcing Jim after the sexting scandal, Meghan said she didn’t.

“I really tried to keep my brain away from that because I’m big on manifestations and keeping it all positive, so I didn’t allow thoughts like that to enter my mind,” she said. “However I did know there were massive red flags that we needed to work on and work through in order to come out on the other end. So that’s where I was focused.”

“I love my family. I worked really hard for my family,” she also said, “I worked really hard for my marriage and my stepkids. Really hard. After I found out that Jim had a sexting affair for months on end — despite seeing that, I said, ‘I love you, I’m committed to you, let’s work through this, let’s figure this out.’ And that didn’t happen.”

“Some people wouldn’t have tried,” Meghan added. “I’m an enabler, I think we just discovered that. But I did what I did. I can’t regret it. I have three kids.”

Meghan King Edmonds and Jim Edmonds
Instagram

As for her claims on the Juicy Scoop podcast, Jim’s rep Steve Honig said in a statement to PEOPLE that the former MLB player does not want to discuss “private matters” in the media.

“Jim has no desire to roll in the mud with anyone, nor does he have any interest in playing this out in the media,” Honig said in response to Meghan’s comments on the podcast. “Meghan decided to publicly broadcast what was essentially a 30-minute therapy session about her marriage and she continues to tell stories to anyone who will listen and use this as an opportunity to get attention for herself.”

“Publicly discussing private matters is not in the best interest of his children and he is not going to engage on that level,” the statement said.

Honig added: “All of this sort of begs the question of what is Meghan is hoping to accomplish by spewing her family’s business in public instead of privately talking matters over with Jim, her friends, a therapist or whomever she trusts. I think you’d be pretty hard-pressed to find someone who improved their divorce situation by going on a podcast.”