"Some days I’m barely hanging on by a thread," the former RHOC star writes in a new blog post

By Benjamin VanHoose
March 11, 2020 09:34 AM
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Meghan King Edmonds is changing the way she mentally grapples with life’s ups and downs.

On Monday, the former Real Housewives of Orange County star, 35, published a new blog post that sheds light on how the mom of three is processing her split from estranged husband Jim Edmonds. Simply titled “Release,” the candid blog entry sees King Edmonds open up about “mind-numbing despair.”

“Let me tell you something, some days I’m barely hanging on by a thread. Some moments I can’t breathe. Sometimes I get in bed and the bed is vibrating, but it’s not: I’m just shaking,” she writes.

King Edmonds — who shares 21-month-old twin boys Hart and Hayes, plus daughter Aspen, 3, with Edmonds, 49 — says that in the past she would compartmentalize traumas so as not to face the emotions that come with them.

“All intense feelings are time-consuming: we relish in the good ones, like falling in love or earning a promotion, but we hide from the ones that hurt,” she writes, describing her marriage at its “rocky” point.

By learning how to mentally cope with tough situations, King Edmonds says she has become healthier not only emotionally, but also physically. Now, she has a sense of “gratitude” for the things she’s endured.

“Gratitude for the trauma I’ve experienced because it helps me grow, learn, and empathize to help others,” she writes. “Gratitude for the wrongs that have been done against me because they’ve allowed me to grow in my faith to become a more centered individual.”

She adds: “Gratitude for the complete s—show of my life because I now understand how to thrive under pressure.”

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Meghan King Edmonds
David Livingston/FilmMagic

The reality TV personality also says some days she can’t “possibly bear the thought of knowing I will have to be separated from my children due to divorce.” She writes that her faith has been “IMMENSELY powerful” in handling the eventuality.

“I visualize this burden and then — as silly as this sounds — I visualize handing it to God (or hand it over to the Universe, but just give it away to something bigger than you),” says the reality star. “I say, ‘I can’t handle it anymore because I can’t go on with my life with this burden.’ So I give it to God.”

Concluding the message to her fans, King Edmonds explains that she chooses to not “carry anger” — though, at times, it can be a difficult mantra to follow.

“I made up my mind that I refuse to carry anger. Therefore I am not angry (although I do have many moments of anger),” she writes. “And I refuse to allow my ego to make decisions. (But I still have an ego, I am human afterall.)”