"Even though I f—ed up — like, I'm an idiot — it doesn't feel good to have millions of people telling you to go die," says the 22-year-old social media star

By Aurelie Corinthios
February 05, 2018 01:33 PM
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Logan Paul has returned to YouTube.

On Sunday, the 22-year-old social media star posted his first vlog since sparking severe outrage over a controversial video shared last month that appeared to show the body of an alleged suicide victim in Japan. (He deleted the video, apologized and created a suicide prevention PSA.)

The new 12-minute vlog opens with Paul dressed as a bearded man, washed up on shore.

“The maverick Logan Paul, showing his face for the first time after the disgraced YouTuber has been spotted across the country — hiding his face from paparazzi and seen swallowing his tears on social media like a little baby,” a narrator describes in the background.

“Yo, hold up — disgrace? What you mean disgrace, boy? I took a break,” Paul says as he fights with the narrator. “Besides, I’m still lit as f—. What other YouTuber can take a three-week break and still get a million subscribers?”

After the sketch is over, Paul switches gear and films himself at his home addressing a variety of topics, including a $4 million lawsuit he’s facing, his recent skydiving experience and his social media blackout.

“Oh my gosh, yo — this feels so weird, vlogging. It’s been so long,” he says. “Real talk, guys, I have so much stuff to say.”

“Let’s talk about everything that went down. I’ve been dark, like social media blackout, for a month now,” he says. “It’s so weird going from vlogging literally every single day for like, 460 days to nothing. I just want to clear up some stuff you may have seen.”

Paul goes on to explain that he’s met with suicide prevention experts, pointing to his “Suicide: Be Here Tomorrow” video and affirming his pledge to donate $1 million to suicide prevention organizations.

“I’m sort of immersing myself in this world,” he says. “I’m not going to try to ignore it, I can’t ignore it — so I’m not going to pretend like that didn’t happen.”

“I’m caught in this weird balance where like, I feel like people don’t expect me to be funny anymore,” he continues. “But one thing I did learn out of all of this, no matter how much hate or comments from random strangers I’ve never even seen or heard of in my life — ‘Logan, you’re trash, you’re garbage, rot in hell, die, hang yourself’ — it’s noise to me.”

“I will never, ever forget who I am at my core and no one can make me think I’m something otherwise,” he says. “And as long as I’m learning and improving and getting better as a person, then we good. … And even though I f—ed up — like, I’m an idiot — it doesn’t feel good to have millions of people telling you to go die.”

RELATED VIDEO: Does Logan Paul Deserve a Second Chance After Posting Suicide Awareness PSA Weeks After Dead Body Controversy?

Paul says he’s coming out of the scandal “more knowledgeable, more compassionate — but I can’t just disappear.”

“I know for a fact everything I do from this point on will get criticism, it will get backlash, because I’m a very polarizing dude,” he says. “You either love me, or you hate me. … So internet, please, use me, bro. Crucify me, vilify me, and I can promise you one thing, guys — I’m not going anywhere.”

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).