Little Women: Dallas’ Emily Fernandez is ready to have another baby.
In a clip of the unscripted Lifetime series shared exclusively with PEOPLE, Fernandez and her boyfriend Lontel discuss the possibility of welcoming a child after the tragic loss of their infant son Lontel Jahnar Johnson Jr. (JJ) last year.
“[Cast mate Bri Barlup] and I took my eggs from the old doctor to the new doctor, and now they’re kind of just waiting — have you thought about what we talked about at the café?” Fernandez asks her boyfriend, to which he responds, “I’m still not ready.”
“I don’t feel like you were ready when I had JJ but when he came you made yourself prepared and you were around for him,” Fernandez says. “You don’t have to be involved if you don’t want.”
JJ died at three months old in August 2016 due to the health complications he experienced before and after he was born, including seizures, blood around his brain and loss of vision and hearing. Previously featured on Little Women: Atlanta, Fernandez moved back to Dallas with Lontel and her daughter from a previous relationship, Ava, after JJ’s death.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking [about] what we’ve been through the last couple of years with JJ,” Lontel says. “I don’t want to go through it again.”
Fernandez, on the other hand, recognizes that a new baby won’t fix the fact that JJ is gone, but she hopes it will “fill some emptiness in our lives and in our family.”
“I’m having this baby by myself and [with] Ava,” Fernandez says. “I don’t need Montel to raise a baby — I can do it on my own.”
She adds: “I feel like I’m supposed to have another son. I feel like I’m supposed to have a baby.”
Fernandez previously opened up to PEOPLE following JJ’s death and called it the “most difficult” time of her life.
“The only thing that brings me any semblance of peace is knowing that he’s no longer scared and he’s no longer suffering,” she said at the time of his death. “I fought to keep him alive, but I had to think about how scared he had to be waking up every morning and living in darkness. We took him off the ventilator, and he left us within two hours.”
“In his brief time here on Earth, he taught me the true meaning of sacrifice and everlasting love,” she continued. “I miss my King every day, and I dedicate my life to him.”
Little Women: Dallas airs Wednesdays at 9 p.m. ET on Lifetime.