You know it’s the holidays when Lifetime starts rolling out their Christmas movies.
Their impressive array of films is like a cinematic advent calendar filled with Christmas spirit, stubborn women, undercover Santas, guardian angels, secret wishes, broken hearts, yuletide joy and lots and lots of happy endings.
So, we stuffed ourselves with sugarplums, washed them down with eggnog and watched a dozen of Lifetime’s finest holiday fare to find out the most important morals of these seasonal stories. Here are 20 valuable lessons learned from a Lifetime Christmas movie marathon.
1. As Christmas in the City taught us, never EVER fire Santa Claus – especially when he’s played by actor Michael Durrell, better known as Donna Martin’s dad on Beverly Hills, 90210. Also, shirtless dancing hotties in Santa hats only get you so far (see above).
2. If you accept a bottle of champagne from a stranger, be aware that it just might send you back in time to help your younger self make better choices. That’s what happened to Shiri Appleby in Kristin’s Christmas Past.
3. The Grinch isn’t necessarily a green monster. We’re looking at you Ashanti:
4. Sometimes a head injury can lead you to your heart’s true desire. Christina Milian learned this the hard (but make-believe) way.
5. Christmas is the perfect time to re-evaluate all your life choices – such as an ambitious career, single parenting and living in either the big city or the country.
6. Not to send you running to Facebook, but … if you ever wanted to rekindle an old flame, Christmas is definitely the time to do it.
8. If you’ve got incredible vocal talent and want to work on your acting chops, Lifetime holiday movies are the place to do it – as proven by Randy Travis, Dolly Parton, Ashanti and many more.
9. Planning a Christmas wedding is a recipe for disaster, as opposed to, say, a Recipe For A Perfect Christmas, which involves a food critic, an ambitious chef and a free-spirited mother played by Christine Baranski.
10. Love after death is possible if you believe in worm holes. Also time slips and wishing wells, at least according to Dear Secret Santa:
11. Be suspicious of old white men with beards named Nick who play Santa Claus at community functions. For example, Ed Asner in Christmas on the Bayou.
12. It’s never to late to look up an old flame. (Death is just a state of physics.)
13. When in doubt, sing Christmas carols. It saved Christmas and a department store in Christmas in the City.
14. If you don’t believe in Santa Claus, he will track you down. He’s like Liam Neeson in Taken; he’ll make you believe.
15. Always, always go home for Christmas. No matter what.
16. Love is everywhere … in a department store, a bayou, back in time or right there in front of you.
17. You can’t chase happiness, you have to find it where you are. At least that’s what Markie Post said in Christmas on the Bayou.
18. Christmas dreams can come true. Take it from the little girl in Dear Santa. She asked Santa for a mom and ended up with Amy Acker.
19. If someone gives you a pep talk, be sure to really listen. Especially if that someone is Dolly Parton:
20. Finally, there’s always a happy ending at Christmas.
Check Lifetime’s website for their holiday movie schedule.
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