"HE made it public. Not us. So I had to publicly deal with all of this," Khloé Kardashian tweeted

By Aurelie Corinthios
November 05, 2018 09:44 AM

Khloé Kardashian is finally opening up about Tristan Thompson‘s infidelities.

As his cheating scandal unfolded while Kardashian prepared to welcome their daughter on Sunday night’s episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, the new mom tweeted back and forth with fans, candidly revealing the emotional struggle she went through as she grappled with the news.

In response to a fan who praised Kardashian, 34, for ultimately forgiving Thompson, 27, Kardashian admitted that reliving the difficult time was reigniting her initial anger.

“Hahaha baby, I’m about to get pissed again too! Lol you are talking me down,” she wrote, adding in a follow-up tweet that her heart was “racing.”

“So crazy how emotions never die!” she wrote. “You may forgive but forgetting is not possible.”

“I love filming for the show and I am proud that we are all strong and brave enough to be vulnerable BUT we have to start airing shows closer to real time,” she added. “This episode is about 7 months old and it’s a lot to relive all over again but maybe I need to.”

She also revealed Thompson wasn’t watching the episode with her: “He probably should huh?” she tweeted.

While the E! cameras captured her family’s reactions back home in Los Angeles as the news was breaking, Kardashian was in Cleveland without a TV crew, choosing instead to document the final days of her pregnancy on her phone.

“Oh well thank God a camera was NOT with me in Cleveland!!!” she tweeted Sunday night. “I won’t put in writing what I did but let’s just say he’s LUCKY I was 9 months pregnant.”

She also dissed Thompson in response to a fan who said Kardashian deserved her privacy in the moment.

“Thank you love! I appreciate that!” she wrote. “But HE made it public. Not us. So I had to publicly deal with all of this SMH.”

Ultimately, Kardashian defended her decision to stand by Thompson, explaining why she allowed him to be present for the birth of their daughter True on April 12.

“I wanted to have a beautiful birthing experience for myself and for the memories of what I choose to share with True when she’s older. I want her to have videos and pictures of her daddy there, holding her etc.” she said. “I want her to know she is LOVE and my happiness! Babies feel energy! I know this! I chose to put my feelings aside for the birth and to try and have as much positive energy that I could.”

Credit: Jerritt Clark/Getty Images

“My only thought was about the birth of my daughter,” she continued. “I wasn’t going to let ANYONE disrupt anything less than what she deserved. Joyous love. I chose to be mature & strong for True. I waited for this day for so many years! I know now, looking back that I was in shock because I couldn’t believe that this would ever happen to me but I’m still very proud of myself for how I handled everything. True gave me the peace and strength I needed.”

As PEOPLE previously reported, Khloé decided to stay with Thompson, and they spent the summer as a family, rebuilding their relationship in Los Angeles. In recent weeks, however, the couple hit another rough patch.

According to a source, the new mom has been having a “really tough” time and “still has a lot of hurt and anger.”

“Khloé wants so badly for True to have a happy family,” said the source. “She wants to do what’s best for her daughter, and to her that means being with Tristan.”

But Khloé’s mom and sisters “aren’t happy” about her move back to Cleveland and “think she deserves better,” the source said. “They definitely don’t trust him.”

Keeping Up with the Kardashians airs Sundays (9 p.m. ET) on E!