Khloé Kardashian opens up about religion and spirituality in the latest issue of Lena Dunham's Lenny Letter
“My relationship with spirituality has changed over the years, but I’ve never stopped believing,” Kardashian wrote, saying she was raised by late father Robert Kardashian in the Christian faith. “I’ve always been a very spiritual person. I believe with every fiber of my being that there is a higher power. Believing in a higher power is what guides me to make the right decisions.”
The Keeping Up with the Kardashians star went on to reveal how filing for divorce from 36-year-old Odom, which came after four years of marriage, tested her beliefs.
“It was a challenge for me when I decided to get divorced,” Kardashian said. “At my core, I don’t believe in divorce, but I came to a point in my marriage where I had to make the choice to take care of my own mental and emotional well-being in order to protect myself and my happiness.”
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While Kardashian called off their protracted divorce following Odom’s near-fatal overdose last October, a source told PEOPLE in April that the reality star is “ready to move on” and plans to pick up their divorce proceedings (and additional sources confirm to PEOPLE that Kardashian is still planning to move forward with the legal split).
In her Lenny Letter, Kardashian even referred to Odom, whom she is still legally married to, as her ex-husband.
“I am at peace with that decision and do feel like I honored my vows to the very end. I feel that I kept the serious vows I made in front of God with every inch of my heart, which is why I am still honoring them today even though my relationship with my ex-husband is in a different place,” she wrote.
Kardashian has been a major source of emotional and financial support for Odom since he was found unconscious in a Nevada brothel in October, staying by his hospital bedside, making sure he received the best medical treatment and helping him move into a leased home in the same gated community as her to continue his recovery.
“I believe in caring for my partner – past or present – ‘in sickness and in health’ and feel at peace with my relationship with God even after the fact,” Kardashian said in her letter. “I’m thankful that I can rely on my God, who, along with my family, has led me through some of the most difficult times of my life.”
Ultimately, Kardashian looks to the strength she learned when processing her dad’s death, which she calls “one of the most profound experiences of my life.”
“After he passed, I was bitter and angry – I was VERY angry at God,” Kardashian explained. “My dad was such a believer, so I couldn’t come to terms with how someone with such a deep relationship with God could be gone. I was young and I needed someone to blame for what had happened. But then I started to process the end of my father’s life, and it changed something inside me.”
Reading books, Kardashian began to appreciate the role each person plays in life.
“Some of the near-death-experience books I read also talk about how our spirits essentially ‘sign up’ for different challenges in life, so that our souls can grow and serve a higher purpose,” she wrote. “Now I believe that every person serves a purpose and that they have chosen their path.”