June 08, 2018 02:06 PM

CNN’s Kate Bolduan‘s couldn’t hold back her emotion this morning while talking about the shocking death of her colleague, Anthony Bourdain.

While talking with the 61-year-old American chef and TV host’s friend — and celebrated food writer — Michael Ruhlman, the CNN At This Hour with Kate Bolduan host teared up as she remembered Bourdain.

“Michael, I was struck this morning that,” she began, before pausing to sniffle and regain her composure. “Every time I was fortunate enough to have him on set… I’d always shout at him as he was walking out, ‘In the next life, I’m coming back as Anthony Bourdain.’ ”

“I wonder, is that why it’s so hard to process this today?” she asked.

Kate Bolduan

RELATED: Asia Argento Speaks Out Following Boyfriend Anthony Bourdain’s Death: ‘He Was My Love, My Rock’

The host of CNN’s Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown was found unresponsive in his hotel room in France on Friday morning by close friend and French chef Eric Ripert, according to CNN. Both were filming an upcoming episode of Bourdain’s award-winning show. He died of an apparent suicide.

A police spokesperson in Strasbourg, France, confirmed Bourdain’s death to PEOPLE.

Anthony Bourdain
Owen Hoffmann/Patrick McMullan/Getty

RELATED: Anthony Bourdain’s Dark Side ‘Finally Overtook Him’: ‘He’d Always Managed to Outrun It,’ Says Source

“It is hard to process this today for so many of us and I can hear the emotion in your voice,” Ruhlman replied to the CNN host. “I was the same way when I first learned of the news and continue to be that way.”

RELATED: Anthony Bourdain’s Close Friend Michael Ruhlman Reacts to His Death: ‘He Would Have Been Appalled By the Platitudes’

“He touched so many people. He was a genuine soul. It’s hard,” he added. “We feel grief, but I also hope we feel the grace that was in the world because of him.” But despite his grief, Bourdain’s friend also pointed out that the chef would have “hated” hearing “these platitudes that I’m saying.”

“He would have told me to shut the f— up. But the fact is we were really lucky to have him here and underneath, he’d be really proud,” Ruhlman continued.

RELATED VIDEO: Anthony Bourdain, Celebrated American Chef, Dead at 61 from Apparent Suicide

With audible emotion in her voice yet again, Bolduan replied, “Well Michael, thank you so much for sharing with me.”

Kate Bolduan and Anthony Bourdain
Michael Kovac/WireImage; Bryan Bedder/Getty Images

RELATED: From Overcoming Heroin Addiction to Finding Love After Divorce: Anthony Bourdain’s Ups and Downs

Following Bourdain’s death, his girlfriend Asia Argento released a statement, writing on Twitter, “Anthony gave all of himself in everything that he did.”

“His brilliant, fearless spirit touched and inspired so many, and his generosity knew no bounds. He was my love, my rock, my protector. I am beyond devastated. My thoughts are with his family. I would ask that you respect their privacy and mine,” the Italian actress, 42, continued.

RELATED: Asia Argento Shared Cryptic Message Hours Before Anthony Bourdain’s Apparent Suicide

Argento and Bourdain met when the two collaborated on the Rome episode of Parts Unknown in 2016 and began dating a year later.

Asia Argento and Anthony Bourdain
Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

You May Like