In PEOPLE’s exclusive sneak peek, Pauly “DJ Pauly D” DelVecchio decides to turn the evening into “Thotchella” by bringing “every single girl in the club to our cabana.” Needless to say, he’s very successful, and as half-naked girls swarm their table, piling into the hot tub — sorry, thot tub — Mike, happily engaged to his high school sweetheart Lauren Pesce, starts to look uncomfortable.
“I haven’t seen Mike look this nervous since he was in court,” jokes Vinny Guadagnino.
“Right now, it is madness,” says Mike. “I feel like I’m in the The Matrix, dodging all the thotties.”
“I feel like I’m at one of Pauly’s gigs — this whole cabana is DTF,” adds Ronnie Ortiz-Magro.
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But while Mike is busy trying to avert his eyes, Pauly and Vinny are on cloud nine.
“Me and Pauly are like domesticated cheetahs — released in the wild of Las Vegas, full of strippers and Canadian girls,” Vinny says.
“We did a little bit of world tour on the strip,” Pauly explains. “We visited Canada a couple of times, and Canadians are always winners. But these New Mexico girls, they’re not even wearing clothes, they’re in bathing suits. Yeah, buddy!”
And while Ronnie was technically single at the time, the new dad wisely opts out, leaving Vinny and Pauly to fend for themselves.
“I’ve got four [girls], but there’s only two of us,” Vinny says, pulling his friend aside.
“All right, two each,” Pauly jokes. “Guido math!”
“They say it’s the thought that counts,” Vinny says. “But right now, I’m counting thots.”
Jersey Shore Family Vacation airs Thursdays (8 p.m. ET) on MTV.