Inside Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams' 6-Year Marriage: 'It Was Heavy. It Was Dark. It Was Lonely'

"There are moments of being curled up in a ball on the floor," Mandy Moore admitted to PEOPLE. "It's really hard. But I've moved on and progressed in the stages of grief and being angry and feeling the loss and all that"

It’s been nearly three months of wedded bliss for Mandy Moore.

This past fall, the This Is Us star tied the knot with her “very favorite personTaylor Goldsmith on Nov. 18 in an intimate backyard wedding.

“I feel incredibly understood and supported. I feel incredibly lucky to have somebody who is like, ‘I got your back,’ ” she told PEOPLE in 2017 of Goldsmith, the frontman for the band Dawes.

“I found the right person and I feel like we can handle anything together,” Moore said of her then-fiancé.

But before Moore and Goldsmith found one another, the actress’ road to love was riddled with pain and loneliness.

At age 25, Moore wed rocker Ryan Adams in 2009. Just six years later, the pair split in 2015 and officially divorced in 2016.

Michael Kovac/Getty; Steve Granitz/WireImage

Although Moore has moved on in the three years since her divorce was finalized, further details from the former couple’s strained relationship are now coming to light.

In a New York Times story released Wednesday afternoon, Moore was among seven women who accused Adams of being manipulative, controlling and obsessive.

In a series of tweets posted shortly after the Times story was released, Adams addressed the allegations.

“As someone who has always tried to spread joy through my music and my life, hearing that some people believe I caused them pain saddens me greatly. I am resolved to work to be the best man I can be. And I wish everyone compassion, understanding and healing,” wrote Adams.

“But the picture that this article paints is upsettingly inaccurate. Some of its details are misrepresented; some are exaggerated; some are outright false. I would never have inappropriate interactions with someone I thought was underage. Period,” he continued.

“I am not a perfect man and I have made many mistakes. To anyone I have ever hurt, however unintentionally, I apologize deeply and unreservedly,” he concluded.

Moore told the NYT that her ex-husband took charge of her music career in 2010 three years after they first met when she was 23. She claimed he “discouraged” her from working with other producers and managers, but after writing songs together Adams would “replace her with other female artists” when it came time to record the tracks.

She also said he was “psychologically abusive” and belittled her musical abilities. “His controlling behavior essentially did block my ability to make new connections in the industry during a very pivotal and potentially lucrative time — my entire mid-to-late 20s,” Moore told the Times.

Adams denied Moore’s claims via his lawyer Andrew B. Brettler, saying her “characterization” of their relationship is “completely inconsistent with his view.”

The same year that her divorce was finalized, Moore exclusively spoke with PEOPLE about her six-year marriage and moving on after a painful divorce.

“My story deviated in a different direction than I expected,” Moore said of her split. “But ultimately, life is about being happy and fulfilled and sometimes that means making hard choices.”

Through it all, she tried not to wallow in the pain.

“There are moments of being curled up in a ball on the floor,” Moore admitted. “It’s really hard. But I’ve moved on and progressed in the stages of grief and being angry and feeling the loss and all that. I do believe things happen for a reason. And I think I had that mantra moving through the trying times.”

Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic; Charley Gallay/Getty

There were plenty of joyful moments in her marriage too, Moore said. “There was a period in my life when it was so beautiful. And I had this really fascinating person [through whom] I got to see a completely different perspective on the world.”

But ultimately, “I wasn’t a participant in my own life for a while,” said Moore. “I poured so much of myself into my personal life and when that wasn’t as fruitful as I hoped it would be and I extricated myself from that situation, I was able to realize I wasn’t honoring myself and my dreams and what I wanted in life.”

In the November issue of Glamour, which the actress covered with her This Is Us costars Chrissy Metz and Susan Kelechi Watson, Moore further discussed the divorce, which ultimately paved the path to happiness with Goldsmith.

I don’t feel guilty for [the divorce]. I don’t fault myself for it,” she explained. “When people said, ‘I’m sorry,’ I was like, ‘No. Sorry would have been had I stayed in a very unhealthy situation.’ I didn’t. I found my way out. And when I did, things opened back up again.”

She then met Goldsmith — who, she said, “makes me melt” — in 2015 and got engaged in 2017. “I was still dealing with the trauma of my divorce when we started dating,” she recalled. “Taylor was steadfast in his support — that was a huge sign for me.”

But after Moore opened up about her divorce from Adams, he went on a rambling Twitter spree in early October about the couple’s early beginnings.

“She didn’t like the Melvins or BladeRunner,” Adams wrote on Twitter, referencing Moore’s comment that she “didn’t choose the right person” when deciding to tie the knot in 2009.

“Doomed from the start…” he continued the message. “If only I could remember the start lol.”

Adams then revealed to his followers, in a since-deleted tweet, that he allegedly was using drugs so heavily he did not remember their 2009 wedding. “When someone told me we got married I thought they were joking,” he said. “Then I realized how many painkillers I was taking. Honestly there weren’t enough to numb the shock. Gollygooops.”

To make matters worse, Adams went on to compare his marriage to Moore to being “stuck to the spiritual equivalent of a soggy piece of cardboard.”

“But it rains on net-a-porter everyday when you’re trapped inside yourself,” he continued. “Take the money I’ll take my pride, any day.”

Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore. COP/BuzzFoto/FilmMagic

Fans were quick to come to Moore’s defense, attacking Adams for his response to his ex-wife’s comments. When one Twitter user accused the musician of writing “75% of your love songs” about her, Adams immediately set the record straight. “There’s not actually a single song about her. Like not one. Fact,” Adams wrote.

One day after Adams’ Twitter spree, a source told PEOPLE that “Ryan could be terrible to Mandy when they were married.”

“Yes, there were some good times, but he had so many issues. He constantly belittled her. And he was selfish and made everything about him,” the source explained, adding that Moore “tried so hard to be a good wife and good friend, but he made it impossible.”

A rep for Adams had no comment at the time.

“She didn’t deserve it,” the insider remarked, before adding that Moore has moved on.

“Everything happened the way it was supposed to and she is truly happy now. Taylor is the perfect fit for her and she doesn’t even dwell on her past with Ryan. She’s happily moved on,” the source shared.

In a Bustle article published 10 days before her wedding with Goldsmith, Moore further reflected on the “dark” season of her life when she was married to Adams.

“When I think back to that particular time period that we’re talking about … It was heavy. It was dark. It was confusing. It was lonely,” she told the outlet. “There was no room for me. There was no room for me to have anything else in my life.”

“I put all the emphasis and pressure on, well, I can just dig myself out of this hole by finding fulfillment strictly from a career perspective,” she told Bustle.

Taylor Goldsmith and Mandy Moore. Mandy Moore/Instagram

Although Moore endured years of loneliness while being married to Adams, she’s thankful for where the journey led her — to love with Goldsmith.

“I view the past as a stepping-stone to get me where I am today,” she told Glamour in November. “I would gladly weather all of that a million times over if it brought me to Taylor again.”

“I’m better equipped to appreciate everything because of what I’ve gone through,” Moore said to PEOPLE in 2017. “I cannot believe my life and good fortune.”

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