After the tearful cliffhanger that was last week’s reunion special (What DID Danielle allegedly try to have done to Dina, anyway?), Bravo execs must have felt the season needed to end on a sweeter note. And nothing brightens the mood like Gia Giudice–her lips shellacked in red gloss–shaking her 7-year-old fanny to “C’mon N’ Ride It (The Train)” in the middle of the Chateau (the Franklin Lakes beauty salon being to these Housewives what Cheers was to Norm and Frasier).
In fact, last night’s epilogue seemed designed to show each of the Housewives in her best light–softening the edges of some (even viewers who took Danielle’s side during the Dina-vs-Danielle smackdown had to smile at the sight of the latter tenderly bathing Grandma Wrinkle in the kitchen sink–“She smells like rotten cheese,” Dina said–as her baffled new housekeeper looked on) and downplaying the shrieking rage of others (Who could remember that table flip when Teresa was busy being “fashion forward” and dropping $2,000 and change after giving a Pretty Woman-esque fashion show at her favorite boutique?).
We gleaned insight into Dina’s since-abandoned event planning business when she created a garish red topiary centerpiece and gushed, “It looks like Anna Nicole’s funeral!” as well as her house-hunting budget: “He wouldn’t spend more than three-and-a-half million dollars right now,” she said of elusive husband Tommy.
We learned that Caroline and her daughter Lauren, 20, have food issues and like to spend weekends ogling buff young men at Chris and Albie Manzo’s local summer softball league. There was an ugly moment when Teresa lashed out at Danielle’s best friend and makeup artist Tommy), snapping: “Get away from me–you’re disgusting,” after he seemed to provoke her with, “See how stupid you sound on TV.”
Indeed, unsurprisingly, whenever the spotlight turned to Danielle, it illuminated the “salt being poured in her open wound” (the lacerating instrument being the rumors–allegedly spread by book baiter Dina–of her husband stealing, randy antics). But any emotional outbursts were quickly washed away, whether by actual rain or sweet sentiments, like Dina declaring she would feed 12-year-old daughter Lexi rat poison if it kept her a little girl forever. Lexi’s response? “I think she wants me to be a lesbian.” Couldn’t you just melt? –Suzanne Zuckerman
Tell us: Did you enjoy the show as much without all the Danielle drama? Which Housewives family has the best home life?