Hannah Brown Opens Up About Feeling Unhappy 'Some of the Time': 'Happiness Is Fleeting'
Hannah Brown is coming to terms with her emotions.
On Monday, the former Bachelorette, 24, opened up on her Instagram Stories about how she’s recently been feeling in the wake of her time on the ABC series — a question she said she has received from others quite often.
“A lot of people ask me, ‘are you happy?’ these days. And to be honest I hate that question, because I’m not some of the time,” she wrote. “Nothing about some of the circumstances I went through recently made me happy.”
“I have moments of happy, but happiness is fleeting,” she added.
During her time on The Bachelorette, Brown broke up with her fiancé and the winner of her season, Jed Wyatt, after she discovered he had lied about having a girlfriend while on the show.
Despite those ups and downs, the reality star said she’s been relying on devotionals to cope with her emotions and revealed that they’ve helped her with “cleansing her heart” and “healing.”
“However, I choose joy. And joy is so much better. It infiltrates the soul. It’s healing. Joy is the goodness of God cleansing my heart,” she continued. “Regardless of circumstances, I pray that today we all choose a little joy.”
Brown then signed the note, “xoxo, Han”
The star also shared a snapshot of her devotion for the day, titled Choose Joy, which featured the notes she had taken on the page.
Beneath the printed paragraph with underlines and circled phrases, Brown wrote, “Joy in the midst of pain was the medicine I needed.”
Brown’s post comes a few weeks after she admitted that she was “struggling” following the end of The Bachelorette.
“Life is so different,” she wrote. “Since last August, I’ve been a pageant queen, a bachelor contestant, and the Bachelorette. I’ve been in love with multiple people, I got engaged, I broke off an engagement, and I shared it all with millions of people.”
“My faith has been questioned by thousands who don’t know my heart, and my transparency with my decisions has labeled me promiscuous,” she continued. “Simultaneously, I’ve become a role model for young women and started bigger conversations around faith and sex. I’m living on my own for the first time and shuffling through this life of next steps with press, media, and opportunities galore.”
The reality star then explained that her newly hectic life has left her too busy to visit with family and friends.
“I miss my friends and family that have watched my life explode,” she wrote. “I feel guilty because I don’t have the time or emotional capacity to fill each of them in on my life right now. I can’t keep up with the people that matter most, because I can barely keep up with my own life right now.”
She continued, “I am not complaining about this past year of adventures. The woman who has emerged would shock the mirror-image young girl from a year ago. I have so many blessings to be thankful for. However it’s uncharted territory for me, and it’s been hard to really process what the heck is going on.”
Brown concluded her post with a message to her followers, reminding them that “it’s okay to be overwhelmed.”
“Life is beautiful, but wild,” she wrote. “I think it’s okay to be strong — to know you’re strong — but to still feel weak simultaneously. I believe that’s when the magic happens.”
“Can’t stop, won’t stop,” Brown said last Wednesday on Good Morning America, when the cast was revealed. “I am so excited. I want a fresh start, something that I can go all in with, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and I think dancing is something that I can do that with.”
Speaking to PEOPLE Now at the DWTS cast reveal, Brown added, “I am totally focused on Hannah and with this new chapter in my life.”