We can’t wait to catch up with Hannah, Shoshanna, Marnie and Jessa when HBO’s Girls returns Sunday night, but based on the Season 3 trailers, it appears that Adam and Hannah are back together and that can’t be a good thing.
When last we saw Adam (Adam Driver), he was running shirtless down the road to save Hannah (Lena Dunham) from herself as the collective audience screamed in unison, “No!”
While Hannah certainly needed saving, they both deserve better. Simply put, Adam, the frequently shirtless artist/woodworker is a bad boyfriend.
Not only does he treat Hannah like trash, he has twisted sexual fetishes, strings her along like she’s a yo-yo and only responds to her texts when he wants something.
Over the last season, he’s fallen further apart, devolving into an off-the-wagon alcoholic who sexually violated his girlfriend and smashed up the apartment that his grandma pays the rent on.
And while it’s true that people can change and mature, when we’re playing with our Girls paper dolls, Adam is kept far, far away from Hannah – and the rest of the girls, too.
In honor of Adam’s return to the airways, here’s a not-so-fond look back at 11 other bad boyfriends from TV. But remember: for every Don Draper out there, there’s a good guy like Cory Matthews from Boy Meets World:
Tamara’s deadbeat boyfriend Ray Ron (Josh Peck) likes to consider making drugs in the garage and turned their bathroom into a recording studio, but Tamra loves him because he redefines her universe spiritually and gets disability because of his neck. Occasionally Ray Ron’s heart is in the right place, though. When he blows their 20-year anniversary, he tries to make amends by offering to take her to a “menu restaurant,” even though he does not do played-out whale (calamari).
When Mr. Big (Chris Noth) wasn’t stringing Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) along, he was working approximately 800 hours a week and keeping Carrie on speed dial just in case, seemingly finding her especially irresistible when she had a boyfriend (or even fiancé). While some may find his devilish attitude attractive, Mr. Big was completely selfish and would disappear for months at a time, only to swoop back in and expect everything to go back to normal.
You would never be able to compete with Tom Haverford’s (Aziz Ansari) off-the-charts swagger and his love for Diddy can’t handle rivals. His constant entrepreneurial exploits would bankrupt you both. Plus his idea of romance is summed up in this quote: “Call me a romantic, but by the end of the night, I will have between one and four new girlfriends.” Dunzo!
There’s no doubt that Jordan Catalano (Jared Leto) is dreamy, but he’s also aloof, emotionally unavailable and seemingly incapable of normal boyfriend behavior like hand-holding. His on-again off-again relationship with Angela Chase (Claire Danes) was enthralling as a teen, but exhausting as an adult. Plus, Jordan was in a band, which is always a bad sign. (Freaks and Geeks drummer Nick Andopolos (Jason Segel) being the exception to the rule, obviously).
Jordan was so wishy-washy. He was totally emotionally unavailable and, even if he didn’t really mean to be, kind of a jerk. He played with her feelings (not to mention the fans).
He traded Blair Waldorf to his skeevy uncle for a hotel. Enough said.
Ryan Howard (B.J. Novak) is The Office’s resident lothario, dating a string of women during his on-again, off-again relationship with Kelly Kapoor (Mindy Kaling). He repeatedly cheats on Kelly, dumps her frequently, and then pursues her even though he knows he’s not that into her. Only when Kelly meets Ravi and leaves Ryan does he decide he likes her, convincing her to run away with him abandoning his son, Drake. After hitting that nadir, Ryan declares, “I think I’ve finally mastered commitment!” Yeah, no.
While he may be the Beeper King of New York, Dennis Duffy (Dean Winter) is the joker of the dating world. He calls Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) “dummy,” gives her noogies, tried to have sex with a minor, and caused a natural gas leak to try and win her back all while claiming to be the love of Liz’s life.
A high school English teacher who hooks up with his student is sketchy (and illegal) enough, but if [SPOLIER ALERT] Ezra Fitz (Ian Harding) turns out to be A? That takes him out of the bad boyfriend bracket and puts him squarely in the psychopath category. Sadly, his sweetie Aria (Lucy Hale) is a teenager and thus doesn’t seem to care that he’s probably a psycho killer, because they love each other so darn much.
When book-loving bad boy Jess Mariano (Milo Ventimiglia) shows up in Stars Hollow, good girl Rory Gilmore (Alexis Bledel) is smitten, even though she already has a boyfriend. Jess leads Rory into a life of G-rated crime, including skipping school, missing her mother’s graduation and cheating on Dean. He eventually fails out of high school, and leaves Stars Hollow without telling Rory, setting a tradition of showing up and disappearing without a word.
Ray Pruit (Jamie Walters) seemed like a sweet, reserved musician when he met Donna Martin in the fifth season of Beverly Hills, 90210. But he had a simmering dark side and not only cheated on Donna, but abused her, shoved her down a flight of stairs, stalked her and attacked her new boyfriend. He found redemption later in the series, but is still the gold standard for bad TV boyfriends.
Dating the head of a motorcycle gang is asking for trouble, but Jax Teller (Charlie Hunnam) is the poster child for bad boyfriends. When he’s not running drugs and guns, he is running a porn studio, hanging out at strip clubs, establishing an escort service empire and cashing in on the perks of those businesses. And don’t even mention his mother. Worse, he pretends his bad life choices are just part of club life and can’t be helped. Or stopped.
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