November 26, 2014 01:40 PM

Ellen DeGeneres is getting kinky.

The talk show host stunned her audience Tuesday by revealing she is the actual female lead – Anastasia Steele – in the hotly anticipated erotic thriller Fifty Shades of Grey.

“They’re acting like it’s Dakota Johnson, but it’s not. It’s me,” DeGeneres teased. “Because no one knows their way around a whip more than me.”

Though DeGeneres, 56, is not actually replacing Johnson, the host did show a parody trailer with her in the starring role that gives Johnson a run for her money.

The entire satire is spot-on but truly hits its mark when Grey intones, “I’m not the man for you,” to which DeGeneres replies, “Oh, you’ve heard the rumors? Well, don’t believe everything you hear,” followed by a wide-eyed come-hither look that is more alarming than seductive.

And DeGeneres’s response to the Red Room of Pain is true to form: “Oh, hell no!” Watch the full trailer above.

The real Fifty Shades of Grey hits theaters Feb. 13, 2015.

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