Hear us out: Carole Baskin should start the season off with "Eye Of The Tiger"

By Andrea Wurzburger
September 02, 2020 03:37 PM
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The cast for season 29 of Dancing with the Stars has been revealed and the list of celebrities competing for the mirrorball trophy is stacked. From reality stars like Selling Sunset's Chrishell Stause and The Bachelor franchise's Kaitlyn Bristowe to musicians like Backstreet Boy AJ McLean and Nelly, to 2020 breakout stars like Tiger King's Carole Baskin and CHEER's Monica Aldama. Even if nothing else scores highly this season, the roster of stars competing is a total 10/10.

Now, I am not a dancer, nor am I a choreographer, but I do love to give my opinion. So here's what I would have the cast dance to on the first night if I were in charge. ABC, call me if you want to talk, even though — and I can't stress this enough — I have no qualifications.

Carole Baskin

Credit: Facebook

Song She Should Dance To: "Eye Of The Tiger," by Survivor

Other options include: "Born To Be Wild," by Steppenwolf, "Wild Thing," by The Troggs and — if we want to really go there — "I Saw Tiger," by Baskin's nemesis, Joe Exotic.

Picture it, the lights go up on the Tiger Queen in a tiger striped convertible car. She steps out and performs a quickstep for the ages. She's wearing, of course, a flower crown and a tiger print leotard with a leather jacket. She definitely turns directly to camera at one point and growls.

RELATED VIDEO: Carole Baskin, Nelly, Chrishell Stause & More Join Dancing with the Stars Season 29

Monica Aldama

Song She Should Dance To: "Mickey" by Toni Basil

Of course, members of the Navarro team would be there to open this number with a classic cheer pyramid. Pan up, and it's *gasp* the head coach at the top of the pyramid. She cradles down and dances as her no. 1 hype man, Jerry Harris, provides mat talk commentary.

AJ McLean

Song He Should Dance To: "I Want It That Way"

Who among us did not choreograph a full interpretive dance to this song in the second grade? It's made for a waltz. McLean won't let us down.

Kaitlyn Bristowe

Song She Should Dance To: "Kiss From a Rose," by Seal

And the dance would take place, of course, at a rose ceremony, where Bristowe would dance with her rejected suitor one last time before we pan to a rose on the floor.

Anne Heche

Song She Should Dance To: "Message in a Bottle," by The Police

Heche's breakout role was Six Day, Seven Nights alongside Harrison Ford, so it's only natural that she would honor that monumental career moment with a tango to "Message in a Bottle."

Skai Jackson

Credit: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Song She Should Dance To: The theme song from Jessie.

Jackson is all grown up now, but we've gotta pay tribute to her Disney Channel roots in the first episode! You know, get it out of the way so she can do some more grown up stuff. Her homage to the Disney show would be fun and poppy, but technically difficult so that we don't dare underestimate her.

Justina Machado

Credit: Steve Granitz/WireImage

Song She Should Dance To: "Turn the Beat Around" Gloria Estefan

I would prefer using the One Day At a Time theme (also sung by Estefan), but it's only around one minute long and it's just not enough time to showcase Machado's talent. Instead, she would dance a sexy salsa or mambo to "Turn the Beat Around."

Jeannie Mai

Credit: Matt Baron/Shutterstock

Song She Should Dance To: "Got to Be Real"

Is it a very obvious pun because Mai is one of the hosts of The Real? Yes. But trust me. Mai would start the number out in a dressing room, putting on her finishing touches when the song starts. Her partner plays the role of producer, who's leading her from her dressing room to the stage, when suddenly Mai can't control herself: She's gotta dance! The number ends with her sitting at the table, her co-hosts Adrienne Bailon, Garcelle Beauvais and Loni Love by her side.

Chrishell Stause

Song She Should Dance To: Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson

Hot off of Selling Sunset season three (and a very public breakup from ex-husband Justin Hartley), Stause is ready to come into her own. The contemporary dance would show her showing a house to a prospective client before she finds out heartbreaking news. Then, she dances out her feelings — and maybe throws a chair or two. You've gotta admit: She'd really be able to sell it.

Jesse Metcalfe

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Song He Should Dance To: "Dirty Little Secret," by The All-American Rejects

For Metcalfe's first number, we'd go back to his John Tucker Must Die roots. There has to be some way to make this 2005 bop by The All-American Rejects work. As for the dance itself, it'd be a recreation of the movie, with four girls trying to take down a cheating Metcalfe, and the final moment would be Metcalfe left alone on the dance floor.

Charles Oakley

Song He Should Dance To: "Basketball," by Kurtis Blow

Just be happy I didn't pick the Space Jam theme song, which I highly considered because Oakley appeared in the '90s film, starring former Chicago Bulls teammate Michael Jordan.

Vernon Davis

Song He Should Dance To: "Parking Lot Party," by Lee Brice

The former NFL tight end should dance to this tailgate classic. The song would start with Vernon hanging out on the tailgate of a truck (which would naturally be driven on stage for the dance) when his dance partner walks by. He offers her a beer, and then the pair start dancing it up, living up to the song's name.

Johnny Weir

Song He Should Dance To: "Feels Like Forever," by Joe Cocker

Weir is an Olympic ice skater, so it's only fitting he would introduce himself with the theme from one of the most prolific skating movies of all time: The Cutting Edge. Ice skaters have historically done very well on DWTS, so this dance would involve tons of technically difficult moves and lifts to solidify his place in the competition.

Nelly

Credit: Kevin Mazur/Getty

Song He Should Dance To: "Hot In Herre"

Need I say more? Let's bring back the face band-aid and give the people what they want!

Nev Schulman

Nev Schulman
| Credit: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP/Shutterstock

Song he should dance to: "Just Fishin'" by Trace Adkins

On the surface, this one is a reference to Schulman's hit MTV show, Catfish. But in reality, it will be a sweet homage to Schulman's adorable family of four. Cute, no?

Season 29 of DWTS will premiere Monday, Sept. 14 at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.