Michael Simon/startraksphoto
November 05, 2014 03:30 PM

Is Tori Spelling about to lose her costar?

Dean McDermott told Access Hollywood Live Wednesday that he doesn’t want to shoot more episodes of True Tori after it completes its current run for Lifetime.

“We have five more shows left,” he said. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep opening a vein, opening my soul and sharing my feelings and thoughts and demons with the world.”

Remarkably, McDermott, 47, said he thinks his marriage to Spelling, 43, will survive, despite having endured a heavily-publicized cheating scandal and a stint in rehab.

“I hold out a lot of hope. If you don’t have hope what do you have? I love this woman, regardless of what I’ve done. I love her and want to be with her. I want to grow old with her at this moment she feels the exact same way,” he said.

“I’ve learned a lot from this whole process. From the affair, from doing the show I almost lost everything, everything that means anything to me. I don’t want to ever do that again. I don’t ever want to be in that dark place again where I wanted to take my life I was driving around in my truck with a loaded 9 mm. I was put on a 5150 at the UCLA psych ward. [My son] Liam had a performance and I didn’t want to miss that performance I had plans that night to do it.”

McDermott also addressed his wife’s recent hospitalization by explaining it was because “she works so hard.”

“It just caught up with her,” McDermott told the show. “She doesn’t take the best care of herself. She always puts others before herself. [It was] pneumonia, bronchitis and sinusitis and that triggered migrainosus.”

McDermott – whose ex-wife Mary Jo Eustace just appeared on Access Hollywood Live on Thursday – said he hopes to pursue more scripted series after his reality stint is over.

PEOPLE has confirmed that he’s set to guest-star in an episode of CSI on Dec. 28, in which he plays a creepy registered sex offender.

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