During an appearance on DeGeneres’ talk show Thursday, the actor and comedian revealed he had a little too much fun at the insanely star-studded party on Saturday — and confused the birthday girl for none other than Justin Bieber.
“Everyone’s been buzzing about [the party],” he began. “I got a fallout invite, which is great. And oh, the celebs! They were really packed in there like ‘stardines.’ They were everywhere, and I bother all of them, as you know. I really get in their grill. I never have anything to say — it’s a real nonversation. They don’t know what’s going on.”
After discussing brushing shoulders with Kim Kardashian West and Kris Jenner, Spade, 53, launched into the hilarious sequence of events that ensued when he came across one of DeGeneres’ “rapper buddies,” whom she assumes is French Montana.
“He whipped out some medical marijuana — a big rolled up doobie of it,” recalled Spade.
“Now you’re talking about Diddy,” interjected DeGeneres.
“He took a hit — I know all the lingo, he took a pop off it,” quipped Spade. “And then he looks at me, and I go, ‘Yeah.’ ‘Cause I don’t want to be like, a narc, you know? So I get it and of course I take the biggest hit and I cough [for] maybe 40 minutes. Like, classic. Then I give it back and I go, ‘Hey, good batch,’ or whatever, I don’t know what to say. I try to be cool — I go, ‘Is that Hawaiian?’ ”
Spade said everything was “cool for a second” until it hit him.
“Oh, boy. You know in those nuclear movies where it flattens everything?” he said. “My brain just went down and I was like, ‘Hello, darkness, my old friend.’ I was starting to space out a bit, because I was sort of in a half coma.”
After narrowly avoiding an encounter with Oprah Winfrey — “the little embers of my brain that were still alive go, ‘Nope, abort, abort!’ Like Waze, ‘Get off here!’ ” he joked — Spade decided it was time to head home.
“I didn’t really bother anyone else. I think [Leonardo] DiCaprio got away with a fist bump,” he said. “And I get in the elevator, which is lit like Ralph’s. It’s so bright, it’s like the produce section. I get out, go to my car, slide in, my driver goes: ‘You okay?’ I go, ‘Absolutely not.’ Think I got home, do not remember going home, and I’m still in the same outfit.”
“I saw you, but we didn’t talk,” said DeGeneres.
“I did see you — in fairness, I thought you were Justin Bieber for the first half hour,” said Spade as the host cracked up. “It’s only because of your haircut! Not what you were wearing, you looked great.”
And of course, Spade is the first to admit he was “out of it.”
“And I was already drunk, because it was nighttime,” he joked. “So I came in a little hot.”
“A lot of people did,” said DeGeneres. “A lot of people were hurting the next morning.”
On Tuesday’s episode of her show, DeGeneres raved all about the party, which took place at The Lot Studios in West Hollywood and drew a real who’s who of Hollywood.
“It was an epic night,” she said. “I was looking all around and I was thinking, ‘How is this my life?’ I mean, all of my idols were in one room and they were there for me — and the open bar. And I had so much fun.”