Dancing with the Stars: A Disappointing Finale

Photo: Photo: ABC

Season five, which fans almost universally agreed featured the greatest collection of talent of any of the DWTS seasons, wraps up with tonight’s results show (9 p.m. ET, ABC), which, unfortunately, follows one of the most disappointing round of season finale performances.

Overall: • The celebs seemed to save their weakest performances for the finale; • Marie Osmond does not know how to graciously accept criticism, no matter how completely on the money it was.

A rundown of last night’s final season five performances, including the highly-anticipated (and sadly lame) freestyle round: •Melanie Brown and Maksim Chmerkovskiy1st dance – Cha Cha Cha – “A great opening to tonight’s show,” said Len Goodman, though Carrie Ann Inaba said she expected more excitement (as Mel B. tried to catch her breath!). The Spice Girl was also sporting a rather skimpy costume, but it only earned a perfect 10 from judge Bruno Tonioli. Their overall score: 28. 2nd dance – Freestyle- Brown’s Spice Girl cohorts booed in the audience, but we have to agree with the judges: The couple’s dance was underwhelming. Nice lifts, but disjointed overall performance, and both of them seemed very stiff. Who wasn’t expecting a total showstopper from Mel B. and Maksim, who’ve been consistently exciting? Their score: 27.

•Marie Osmond and Jonathan Roberts1st dance – Samba – Marie got her usual “you’re very entertaining and fun to watch” from all the judges, which meant, bottom line, that technically, she’s not hoofing at the same level as her competitors. And it was reflected in the judges’ score: 24. PS – Were we the only ones who though Osmond’s yellow dress with wide black waist cincher made her look like she’d raided Charlie Brown’s closet? 2nd dance – Freestyle -“It’s Baby Jane meets the bride of Chucky,” said Tonioli of Osmond’s ill-conceived performance, which included her dressed up like a baby doll, and making odd, stilted movements. We get it, she’s a doll designer. Their score: 22. And they were being very, very generous for what will surely go down as one of the most, um, unique dances in show history.

•Helio Castroneves and Julianne Hough1st dance – Jive – Bad footwork, good overall performance was the gist of the feedback for the Indy 500 champ and his partner, who won audience cheers that made it temporarily impossible for host Tom Bergeron to hear the judges. And Castroneves may need that kinda fan feedback to help him in the results show, as the judges’ score was a tame 25. 2nd dance – Freestyle – “Best freestyle of the night, by miles,” said Goodman, which wasn’t exactly saying a lot, given the lackadaisical performances of the other contenders. Still, their lifts were exciting, if their overall performance wasn’t. Their score: 29.

Best line of the night: Tom Bergeron, to judge Carrie Ann Inaba after her negative reaction to Mel B.’s freestyle dance elicited boos from Brown’s fellow Spice Girls: “I know someone’s not getting tour tickets.”

2nd best line of the night: Tom Bergeron, on Castroneves’s gold jumpsuit: “Helio looks like a Brazilian Power Ranger, doesn’t he”?

The dancers didn’t save the best for last, but the quippy host sure did.

As for who will walk away with the mirrored ball trophy tonight, it’s a big toss-up. Osmond should be out of the running after what amounted to an embarrassing freestyle dance, but the fact that she made it to the finale at all means she’s clearly got a lot of fan support. And between Mel B. and Castroneves, the lack of a standout performance last night means either one could rightly claim the victory.

Tell us, who do you think should dance away with the season five championship? And were you also less-than-wowed with last night’s performances? –Kimberly Potts

Photo: ABC

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