Colton Underwood Says Growing Up He Didn't Think It Was Possible to Have a Family as a Gay Man
Colton Underwood is ready to fall in love and start a family.
"I do want to be in love. I still want the white picket fence," Underwood, 29, told Variety on Thursday. "The whole definition of traditional lifestyle that I thought growing up conservative meant, I can still have."
He continued, "I can still do all of the things that I thought were only possible in a straight relationship."
Underwood revealed that although he's "physically" been involved with men, he's searching for something more meaningful.
"I want a partner and a husband more than anything, and I want a family. I want kids, I want dogs, I want the whole nine yards, and I never knew that was possible until I came out and got to lean into my truth," he told Variety.
The former NFL player added, "I can, for the first time in my life, actually picture myself with a family — and my family looks a little different than when I pictured it four or five years ago, but it just makes me happy, even thinking about it."
Three months after they announced their breakup, Randolph, 26, filed for a restraining order against Underwood for allegedly harassing and stalking her. In November, Randolph requested the "domestic violence restraining orders against [Underwood] shall forthwith be dismissed with prejudice."
During Underwood's GMA interview he acknowledged the allegations of domestic violence and said he was "sorry for how things ended" between him and Randolph. "I messed up. I made a lot of bad choices," he added.
Randolph has not directly addressed his apology.
"I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to be further discussing it or commenting on it for now," the reality TV alum said. "There's a lot of layers to it, and I just think the best thing for me at this time is to move forward and just focus on going forward."
Underwood addressed the alleged abuse in a Variety cover story published Wednesday, although he said he was limited in what he could say due to an agreement with Randolph.
"I did not physically touch or physically abuse Cassie in any way, shape or form," he told the outlet.
Underwood said he was in "a dark place" after Randolph broke up with him and he acted out of character.
"It's not who I am as a human being, and it's not how I carry myself," the former ABC lead said. "If there was anything I could do to take more ownership, I would."
He continued, "But also, out of respect to her, I don't want to get into the details. I want this interview to be the last time I address her, because it's not fair for her to have her name in articles every time I talk."
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"I'm sorry, and I want her to know that I hope she has the best, most beautiful life," Underwood said of Randolph.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.