"I think it is what it is, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel like a slap in a face seeing you tell Cassie that you thought about her while you were with other people," Hannah Godwin told Colton Underwood
During part 1 of the two-night Bachelor finale on Monday, audiences watched as Underwood broke off his relationship with both Godwin and fellow runner-up Tayshia Adams after frontunner Cassie Randolph turned him down.
As the episode aired, Godwin spoke with host Chris Harrison during a sit-down, in-studio live taping. “No, I’m not in love with him anymore,” she confirmed to Harrison about Underwood before her ex joined them on the stage.
“I loved you and I thought you felt the exact same way. You told me that you were falling in love with me and that I should trust you every single minute I was with you,” Godwin began her chat with Underwood. “And you asked for my dad’s blessing and I thought it was us. You didn’t give me any reasons to think otherwise.”
She continued, “I think I have a million different questions and a million different emotions, but I think something that I can’t stop thinking about is you gave everybody a chance until you couldn’t anymore. But why wasn’t that the case with me? I mean, you literally said you thought it was us the whole time.”
Although Underwood told her that he “tried my hardest to stay as open as I could” with Godwin, “it was a realization of how much I gave myself to somebody else that I couldn’t continue on knowing that I wasn’t going to be all in.”
“In that moment, when I was having that conversation with Cassie, I didn’t want to lose her and I knew that I didn’t want my life to go on without her,” he said about Randolph. “So I couldn’t do that to you where you were the backup plan. And that sounds bad, but you don’t deserve that and you know you don’t deserve that.”
But Godwin still had a lot of lingering “what if” scenarios in her mind — including her question about whether things would have changed if they had spent more time together.
“Do you think that if we would … have had more time, do you think that this possibly would have been a different situation?” she asked. “I thought everything was there … it was never an option in my mind to not want to be with you. Ever. … I didn’t even know that you had been on other dates when you came. I thought I was the first date. I had no clue. Do you think if you would have given that a chance, do you think it would have been a thing? Or do you think it was not me clearly the whole time?”
But leading up to fantasy suite week, Underwood said that how he was feeling in his relationship with Randolph “was stronger.”
“That sounds brutal, but you deserve the honesty. I don’t want to beat around the bush or seem like I’m being insensitive, but that was just the case in this situation,” he told Godwin.
Though Underwood had a fantasy suite date with Adams, he didn’t with Godwin — and when Harrison asked Underwood if he ever considered having the final overnight date with her, he was painfully honest in his response.
“To be honest with you, no,” said Underwood. “After that night and after running away and after being done … the night that I ran away, the night that I quit The Bachelor and I didn’t want to be the Bachelor anymore — which looking back was a little selfish because I had to still have conversations with you and Tayshia — the emotions were running high and my emotions were everywhere. In that moment, the show was over.”
Godwin understood his perspective and said that she felt like she “could relate” to that feeling because “what Cassie did to you was exactly what you did to me and I was left with nothing.”
Despite their split, she was hopeful they’d reconcile.
“I thought that you were going to chase me, as crazy as that sounds,” said Godwin. “And you didn’t,” she said, “and I just didn’t have a reason to believe otherwise and I just trusted you so much.”
While Underwood was the one to break things off, he still had positive things to say about their relationship.
“I obviously value everything that we went through together. The one thing I could always say about our relationship was like no matter what was going on in the house, there was just that certainty and that stability. And then leading up until last week when things changed for me and that relationship with Cassie that I just couldn’t continue to be in other relationships,” he said.
But watching his relationship with Randolph unfold was at times hurtful to Godwin. “I think it is what it is, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel like a slap in a face seeing you tell Cassie that you thought about her while you were with other people. That sucked,” she said.
WATCH: The Bachelor’s Colton Underwood Opens Up About Fantasy Suite Dates and His Virginity
For Underwood, though, “I think that’s when I knew I was all in,” he said. “I was 100 percent hers and I couldn’t do anything about it.”
Although Godwin and Underwood didn’t work out, she wished him well in his love life moving forward. “I am really happy for you,” she said as they concluded.
She also shared that she has learned a significant amount about herself through processing the breakup.
“And having all of these months struggling and going through a really big heartbreak that was really real for me showed me how strong I am and how I can handle way more than I ever ever imagined that I could. And handling things by myself has taught me what I deserve and what I want in life. I want somebody who will jump a fence for me,” she said with a laugh. “I need that kind of relationship.”
Part 2 of The Bachelor‘s finale airs Tuesday at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.