10 Revelations from Colton Underwood's Netflix Series, 'Coming Out Colton' : 'I Want to Stop Lying'

Colton Underwood confronts his past and documents the process of coming out in the Netflix series Coming Out Colton, which premieres on Dec. 3

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Coming Out Colton

Bachelor Colton Underwood
Jim Wright

In his new Netflix reality series, the former football player, who came out as gay earlier this year, is followed by cameras as he opens up about his sexuality to friends and family, and confronts the fallout from his public breakup with Cassie Randolph.

Underwood has been dating political strategist Jordan C. Brown since the summer.

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1. When He 'Knew' He Was Gay

Colton Underwood, Scott Underwood in episode 102 of Coming Out Colton
Courtesy of Netflix

Former Bachelor Colton Underwood said that he's "always known he was different," telling both his mother and father while coming out that he knew he was gay since he was 6 or 7 years old, according to his new Netflix documentary, Coming Out Colton.

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2. 'I Had No Business Being the Bachelor'

Eric McCandless/ABC

Colton admitted to Onyeka Ehie, who competed on his season, that he "wouldn't be out" if it weren't for The Bachelor.

"I guess in reality, I had no business being the Bachelor," he shared. "I just mentally was not in a good place. I remember saying, 'Thank you, God for making me the Bachelor. You're gonna answer my prayer and make me straight. This is my chance to find a wife, and now I have nowhere to run.' So I have to get engaged so I can get married and once I get married, I'm gonna have kids, and then it's gonna make me straighter."

"Which, in looking back," he added, "is super silly." Underwood continued, "I wouldn't want that now, but that was sort of like my process with it. It was like this house of cards that I built and when it crashed it crashed hard, and that was me. I just got to a really, really, bad place."

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3. He Wore Sweatpants for His Fantasy Date with Tayshia Adams

The Bachelor Tayshia Adams
Tayshia Adams and Colton Underwood on season 23 of The Bachelorette. Josh Vertucci via Getty

With his virginity being a hot-button topic for his season of The Bachelor, Underwood felt a lot of pressure to have sex during the Fantasy Suite dates.

Underwood explained that he only did one Fantasy Suite stay (with contestant Tayshia Adams), saying that, while the cameras showed their relationship blossoming, he "didn't want to go into the Fantasy Suite" because he "didn't want to put Tayshia through that." He added, "I knew I was attracted to men, but I felt like, 'If I lose my virginity in the Fantasy Suite, is it going to please me enough to keep me wanting to be straight?' "

He said that he spent the night with Adams in the Fantasy Suite wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, even though the room was hot. He added that Adams was "so respectful and so nice and nurturing."

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4. Choosing Cassie Randolph

Cassie Randolph Files Restraining Order Against Colton Underwood
Cassie Randolph, Colton Underwood. Amy Sussman/E! Entertainment/NBCU Photo Bank; JC Olivera/WireImage

Underwood, who ultimately gave Cassie Randolph his final rose, said he "didn't want to be gay" and believed it would just take the right woman to change him — and that Randolph would be the one to do it.

He said that as a result, after the two broke up in May 2020, he "started to spiral." He said that he was trying to "do anything and everything he could to protect his secret."

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5. About That Restraining Order His Ex Filed

Colton Underwood
Colton Underwood. JC Olivera/WireImage

Underwood said that when Randolph filed a restraining order against him — in which she claimed that Underwood placed a tracker in her car, was showing up to her apartment and her parents' home unannounced and sending alarming texts — he felt like things immediately flipped.

"It was when I knew something had to change," Underwood explained in Coming Out Colton. "I was so attached to a traditional life and my straight relationship that I knew she was my last straight relationship and I didn't want to let that go because I didn't want to have to deal with this."

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6. His Suicide Attempt

Colton Underwood
Paula Lobo/Getty Images

Underwood shared that, after his breakup with Randolph, he was in L.A. when he attempted suicide, telling a close friend on Coming Out Colton that he "took a lot of Xanax not thinking [he] was going to wake up the next morning." The low moment was a wakeup call for Underwood, who moved to Colorado shortly thereafter.

Underwood later said that he was self-medicating and eventually "took too much, trying to kill [himself]." He said that his experience cemented his faith, which is why he struggled to understand why his pastor and friends believed his sexuality was a sin.

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7. Why He Came Out When He Did

Colton Underwood
Gabriel Olsen/FilmMagic

Underwood said that he knew people would think that he was coming out to "save [his] image" and that he was coming out to "bury the drama with Cassie."

However, he said he came out publicly because he was "ashamed and mortified of what got him to this position in the first place" and "knew he didn't want to affect or harm anyone else" in his life.

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8. Wanting to Become a Father 'Soon'

Colton Underwood
Colton Underwood/ Instagram

Underwood shared that he wants to be a father "soon."

He said in episode 3 of Coming Out Colton that, though he would like to get married or have a partner, he would "think about doing it [himself] if [he] had to."

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9. Almost Being Outed in High School

Colton Underwood Reveals in Book 'The First Time' That He 'Still Struggles' with His Sexuality
Getty Images

During a visit to his high school in Washington, Illinois, Underwood recounted breaking up with his girlfriend after she "put her hands down his pants" while they were sleeping over at a friend's house after a party.

"I broke up with her the next day," he shared with his friend Kassidy. "It just felt so wrong. Not wrong, in the sense of, like, morally. It just felt wrong in the fact that, like, that wasn't who I was meant to be."

Underwood said that following the incident, his classmates began circulating rumors that he was gay — and that was the first time that he was almost outed, a moment he said led to him seeking control of his life.

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10. Why Football Kept Him Closeted

The Bachelor's Colton Underwood Says He's 'Very Lucky and Fortunate' Amid Coronavirus Diagnosis
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His time playing football pushed him "further into the closet." He explained that "locker room talk" was one of the reasons he never felt comfortable accepting himself in high school, when he heard coaches and teammates use offensive language to describe gay men.

Underwood mentioned Michael Sam — the first openly gay player to be drafted to the NFL in 2014, who retired in 2015 from the sport for mental health reasons — and said that Sam's experience with being out in the NFL left him afraid of meeting the same fate.

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