Entertainment TV Chad Johnson: The Bachelorette Used My Struggle to Accept My Mother's Death & 'Made Me the Bad Guy' Bachelor Nation Chad Johnson explains how the death of his mother right before he went on reality TV impacted how he was portrayed — and still impacts his search for love By Joelle Goldstein Joelle Goldstein Twitter Joelle Goldstein is a TV Staff Editor for PEOPLE Digital. She has been with the brand for nearly five years, beginning her time as a digital news writer, where she covered everything from entertainment news to crime stories and royal tours. Since then, she has worked as a writer-reporter on the Human Interest team and an associate editor on the TV team. In her current role, Joelle oversees all things TV and enjoys being able to say she has to watch The Kardashians and America's Got Talent for "work". Prior to joining PEOPLE, Joelle was employed at The Hollywood Reporter. She graduated from Ithaca College with a Bachelors in Television-Radio (and an appearance in the NCAA Women's Volleyball Final Four!) People Editorial Guidelines Published on June 30, 2017 12:00 PM Share Tweet Pin Email Notorious Bachelor Nation villain Chad Johnson is opening up about the deep grief that led to his bad boy reality persona. In an exclusive sneak peek at Sunday’s Famously Single, the 28-year old opens up to Dr. Darcy Sterling about how the death of his mother just six months prior to his stint on The Bachelorette — and his struggle to mourn properly — ultimately resulted in violent and macho behavior on the show. Johnson admits the behavior that got him ejected from the franchise twice was largely a distraction from the fact that he couldn’t accept losing his mom, whom he calls the “most important relationship” he’s ever had. “I couldn’t think about it. All I could think about was ‘Did I ruin my life?’ ” admits Johnson, who suggested The Bachelorette made him look like the “bad guy.” Johnson, who also made a not-so-great name for himself on Bachelor in Paradise in 2016, explains the reason as to why he’s perceived as a “jerk” or “defensive” — and it has nothing to do with JoJo Fletcher sending him home early. “I don’t like letting new people in that easy because I don’t want to lose someone again like that,” he says. “I know that’s my mother and she was sick, but I feel like a lot of people take too many chances of being too open too easily and I don’t really do that.” He continues, “I sometimes tend to back away or in some way, sabotage it because I think I’m afraid of hurting them because what happens if we got married and then we had to break up?” Famously Single, which follows seven unattached celebs on their journeys to find love, may be difficult for Johnson if he continues to hold onto his fear of being vulnerable that stems back to his own parents and their rocky relationship. “My hope is that you’re going to meet somebody. At worst, somebody who will be a great friend for life and at best, maybe a lifelong partner,” counsels Dr. Sterling. “But you’re never going to know if you don’t close your eyes and jump. You have to try.” Famously Single returns airs Sundays (10 p.m. ET) on E!